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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some people believe that it is essential to learn a foreign language in school, while others believe that it is not necessary. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

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There are some perspectives illustrating that teaching a foreign
language
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 in
school
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 is important and some people disagree with
this
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 statement. In my view , I think learning a foreign
language
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 can be more beneficial if you learn it in
school
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 at a younger age. On the one hand, learning a foreign
language
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 can play a significant role in
students
Change noun form
students'
student's
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 future development.
For example
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, students can communicate with others around the world and share their ideas and experiences;
Also
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, if a student wants to do academic research, knowing another style of
language
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 could be vitally needed in order to find a variety of articles which can be helpful .
Furthermore
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, It is a great opportunity maker for student's future careers,
For instance
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, if there are some good job applications in a foreign country, they will be able to serve the duties.
Therefore
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, they will have a brighter future.
On the other hand
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, some individuals believe
that is
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 not necessarily needed to teach students another type of
language
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. They are more likely to not force children to learn difficult skills.
Also
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, they think that children have more time to learn a new
language
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 after they finish
school
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 and their time should be spent on other academic lessons
such
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 as mathematics or biology which can bring consequences.
For example
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, new studies show that learning new skills
such
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 as a new
language
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, becomes harder as you grow older. in conclusion ,through what
that
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apply
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has been said, the second statement can not be acceptable. In my opinion, a new
language
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 should be introduced to the children as they start going to
school
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.

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Task Achievement
Your introduction could be more specific by clearly stating the two opposing views and your own position. Work on presenting a more nuanced thesis statement.
Coherence & Cohesion
Use a wider range of cohesive devices and paragraphing techniques to improve the logical structure of your essay. Aim to make your argument flow more smoothly by enhancing the connections between ideas.
Task Achievement
Develop your main points by providing more detailed and specific examples. Avoid general statements, and instead use precise information to illustrate and strengthen your argument.
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