IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

People in many countries are spending less time with their family. What are the reasons, and effects of this?

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Nowadays most individuals do not spend quality
time
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 with their loved ones. There are several reasons behind
this
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 situation but the most common are a busy schedule and poor
time
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 management.
Therefore
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, it harms other members of the family, especially
kids
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, and is
also
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 a leading cause of stress. I will go ahead and elaborate on my points in
this
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 essay below.
To begin
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 with, not spending good times with the family has many causes, most individuals become too busy with their
work
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 and spend most of their
time
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 at the workplace neglecting their
kids
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. They are unable to balance
work
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 and social life
hence
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 causing trouble in their families. As most Western mothers are at
work
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 24/7 they focus on their tasks avoid their offspring and depend fully on childcare assistance.
Secondly
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, most humans prefer to spend their
time
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 building their career and their main priority is their future
therefore
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 they do not give
time
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 to their
parents
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.
Consequently
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, most Asian students are moving abroad leaving their
parents
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 behind to
fulfill
Change the spelling
fulfil
show examples
 their dreams and in chasing them they forget about the family
that is
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 left behind.
In addition
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, they have a harmful impact on society
as well as
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 on their well-wishers. When they neglect their child and not giving them proper attention
kids
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 become agitated and a lot of trust issues occur between
parents
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 and young ones.
For instance
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, when the guardians are not focusing on the
kids
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 it directly impacts the personality of the children so, they lose focus on academics
hence
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 their studies greatly affect them.
Furthermore
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, the adults who are leaving their
parents
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 for their bright future and leaving them behind ruin their mental
as well as
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 physical health. They are at the age of life where they need support, care, love, and affection but leaving them alone takes them towards stress and anxiety they feel alone and start missing them.
Consequently
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, it has a great impact on their body and health they become frail
while
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 missing them. In conclusion,
due to
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 a lot of
work
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 pressure, many individuals are not focussing on their family
along with
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 that they do not have the guts to balance the family and
work
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 ratio,
therefore
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, they and their families suffer a lot. By doing all
this
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 great number of children are greatly demoralised and our elderly people become patients.

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Coherence & Cohesion
Ensure the essay has a clear and logical flow from introduction to conclusion, with each paragraph building on the one before it to strengthen the argument.
Coherence & Cohesion
Make use of cohesive devices such as conjunctions, pronouns, and synonyms to ensure that each paragraph connects seamlessly to the next.
Coherence & Cohesion
Follow a logical paragraph structure, starting with a topic sentence, followed by supporting sentences, and a concluding or transitional sentence where appropriate.
Task Achievement
Address all parts of the task, ensuring that all your ideas are relevant to the questions posed and develop those ideas fully.
Task Achievement
Provide clear and comprehensive ideas, backed up by specific examples, to demonstrate a thorough understanding of the topic.
Task Achievement
Use a range of specific examples to substantiate your points, ensuring they are directly linked to the content of the essay and the topic at hand.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • predominant
  • commitments
  • imbalance
  • digital technology
  • social media
  • globalization
  • weakened
  • disconnected
  • strain
  • stress
  • mental health issues
  • developmental issues
  • behavioral problems
  • parental guidance
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