nobody will buy printed newspaper or books because they will be able to read everything they want online without paying. Do you agree or disagree?

No matter how
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society changes,
the
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apply
show examples
reading is still
indispensible
Correct your spelling
indispensable
for people.
While
some people have
habit
Add an article
a habit
the habit
show examples
of reading papers, I totally believe the mode of online reading will be more popular in the future. The are several disadvantages of printed
newspapers
or books.
Firstly
,
the
Correct article usage
apply
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most raw materials of printed iterms come from wood. Yet, cutting trees excessively will cause a large number of
environment
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environmental
show examples
problems.
Secondly
, the content in paper
iterms
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items
terms
is
obvious
Change the word
obviously
show examples
narrow. Readers only receive
information
what
Correct word choice
that
show examples
authors or editors give, they don’t have
own
Correct pronoun usage
their own
show examples
pick of content.
Finally
, the newspaper distribution
need
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needs
show examples
express man
therefore
Correct word choice
and therefore
show examples
only occurs during some specific period.
Hence
,
the
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apply
show examples
newspapers
has
Change the verb form
have
show examples
higher usage cost and readers have to pay for
it
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
.
However
, the Internet provides a flexible approach to
access
Wrong verb form
accessing
show examples
information
. It relies on
a smart devices
Correct the article-noun agreement
smart devices
a smart device
show examples
with electricity,
thus
trees and other natural materials can be protected.
Furthermore
,
due to
the large amount of free online data, almost any
kinds
Fix the agreement mistake
kind
show examples
of statistics can
be find
Change the verb form
be found
show examples
with a powerful engine and without time and space
restriction
Fix the agreement mistake
restrictions
show examples
. It is more
efficiently
Change the word
efficient
show examples
for users and
also
enhance
Change the verb form
enhances
show examples
the influence of relevant media companies.
For example
, many
newspapers
and
magzines
Correct your spelling
magazines
tranfer
Correct your spelling
transfer
from
tranditional
Correct your spelling
traditional
mode to online mode to satisfy their users’ requirements. They convey news and
information
to the Internet because fewer people are willing to pay for
tha
Correct your spelling
the
offline
information
. In
conlusion
Correct your spelling
conclusion
,
withe
Correct your spelling
with
show examples
the development of modern technology, readers will gradually choose the Internet to obtain
information
than
Rephrase
rather than
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
tranditional
Correct your spelling
traditional
newspapers
or books.
Submitted by passielts9091 on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure a clear introduction, body, and conclusion structure. The idea of environmental impact is mentioned, but could be expanded upon for better clarity and flow within the essay.
task achievement
Develop main points with more detailed examples and explanations. The point about companies shifting to an online mode could have included more specific examples to strengthen the argument.
coherence cohesion
Work on grammar and vocabulary accuracy to enhance the essay's clarity. There were a few grammatical errors spotted which could lower the overall coherence.
task achievement
Reiterate your position in the conclusion more strongly and clearly relate it back to the main points discussed in the essay.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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