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Band 6

Some people think that the government is wasting money on the arts and this money could be better spent elsewhere. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #government #money #arts
It is often argued that
government
 investing in art is a waste of
money
. For particular reasons, I tend to agree that
this
money
 could be spent in more efficient ways
such
 as healthcare and
education
.
Firstly
 ,
Although
, art plays an essential role in presenting our
country
 and local culture is it worth more than people's lives? Citizens Healthcare should be considered by the
government
 and for doing so they should build more medical facilities and hospitals. The
country
 witnessed a pandemic tragedy in which people died
due to
 the lack of medicine and ICUs .
Hence
, in order to let
this
 happen again
government
 should take action against
this
 major problem.
Secondly
,
education
 is known as one of the main assets of the
country
. Because students are going to be the future of the
country
 which can be the main cause of the
country
's progress. But we still how some problems in
this
 case that should be solved .
For example
 , in Iran, there are several areas of the
country
 that suffer from a lack of schools and universities. If the
money
 spent on the arts goes to
education
 services, it would tackle these problems and improve the
education
 system. In conclusion, In my point of view, medical issues and educational problems are more considerable than the arts and it is more profitable if
government
 invest more
money
 into them.
Submitted by amirrezadelghandi3 on

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structure
Ensure your essay has a clear introduction, body, and conclusion. The introduction sets the context and your position, the body elaborates your arguments with examples, and the conclusion summarizes your viewpoint.
paragraphing
Develop paragraphs that have a clear central idea, and make sure each paragraph logically follows the previous one to maintain a coherent argument throughout the essay.
supporting examples
Support your main points with concrete and specific examples to strengthen your argument and make it more persuasive.
task response
It's crucial to address the task directly, ensuring you cover all parts of the prompt. Both sides of the argument should be presented if required, and your own opinion should be clear and relevant to the topic.
cohesive devices
Use varied and appropriate cohesive devices to link ideas, sentences, and paragraphs. Overusing conjunctions or using them improperly can reduce the clarity and coherence of your argument.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • enriching society
  • promoting cultural understanding
  • development of talent
  • creative industries
  • economic benefits
  • generate revenue
  • cultural heritage
  • identity
  • prioritize spending
  • needs of the majority
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