IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Some people think that the government is wasting money on the arts and this money could be better spent elsewhere. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #government #money #arts
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
It is often argued that
government
Use synonyms
 investing in art is a waste of
money
Use synonyms
. For particular reasons, I tend to agree that
this
Linking Words
money
Use synonyms
 could be spent in more efficient ways
such
Linking Words
 as healthcare and
education
Use synonyms
.
Firstly
Linking Words
 ,
Although
Linking Words
, art plays an essential role in presenting our
country
Use synonyms
 and local culture is it worth more than people's lives? Citizens Healthcare should be considered by the
government
Use synonyms
 and for doing so they should build more medical facilities and hospitals. The
country
Use synonyms
 witnessed a pandemic tragedy in which people died
due to
Linking Words
 the lack of medicine and ICUs .
Hence
Linking Words
, in order to let
this
Linking Words
 happen again
government
Use synonyms
 should take action against
this
Linking Words
 major problem.
Secondly
Linking Words
,
education
Use synonyms
 is known as one of the main assets of the
country
Use synonyms
. Because students are going to be the future of the
country
Use synonyms
 which can be the main cause of the
country
Use synonyms
's progress. But we still how some problems in
this
Linking Words
 case that should be solved .
For example
Linking Words
 , in Iran, there are several areas of the
country
Use synonyms
 that suffer from a lack of schools and universities. If the
money
Use synonyms
 spent on the arts goes to
education
Use synonyms
 services, it would tackle these problems and improve the
education
Use synonyms
 system. In conclusion, In my point of view, medical issues and educational problems are more considerable than the arts and it is more profitable if
government
Use synonyms
 invest more
money
Use synonyms
 into them.
Submitted by amirrezadelghandi3 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

structure
Ensure your essay has a clear introduction, body, and conclusion. The introduction sets the context and your position, the body elaborates your arguments with examples, and the conclusion summarizes your viewpoint.
paragraphing
Develop paragraphs that have a clear central idea, and make sure each paragraph logically follows the previous one to maintain a coherent argument throughout the essay.
supporting examples
Support your main points with concrete and specific examples to strengthen your argument and make it more persuasive.
task response
It's crucial to address the task directly, ensuring you cover all parts of the prompt. Both sides of the argument should be presented if required, and your own opinion should be clear and relevant to the topic.
cohesive devices
Use varied and appropriate cohesive devices to link ideas, sentences, and paragraphs. Overusing conjunctions or using them improperly can reduce the clarity and coherence of your argument.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • enriching society
  • promoting cultural understanding
  • development of talent
  • creative industries
  • economic benefits
  • generate revenue
  • cultural heritage
  • identity
  • prioritize spending
  • needs of the majority
What to do next:
Look at other essays: