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Band 3.5

It is important for young people to take risks, both in their professional lives and their personal lives. To some extent, do you agree or disagree with this statement? Give your opinion?

#people #risks #lives
To be honest, young
people
 today lack experience, lack knowledge and are often hesitant in their decisions, which is why they tend to be more adventurous than adults. First of all, today's young
people
 often feel like they have time to recover from setbacks. They often view time as a resource they can use to face challenges. With fewer family commitments and responsibilities, young
people
 often feel they have more flexibility and freedom to experiment and take risks in life.
Besides
, young
people
 often have the ability to quickly adapt to changes and overcome situations flexibly.
This
 helps them believe that they can face any difficulties that risk may bring. Another reason for
this
 is that when young, many
people
 focus on gaining experience and challenges rather than security and stability. They may view risk as an important part of life and personal growth.
Finally
, the spirit of adventure and the desire to explore and experience new things are often very strong in young
people
.
This
 can lead to a willingness to proactively take risks.
Submitted by tienganhcamtu266 on

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Coherence & Cohesion
You should ensure that your essay has a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion to guide the reader through your argument effectively. The current structure is somewhat unclear.
Coherence & Cohesion
Present your main points with supporting details and examples. The essay provides general statements but lacks concrete examples to illustrate the argument.
Task Achievement
Make sure to directly answer the essay question and provide a clear opinion. The current response only partially addresses the prompt.
Task Achievement
To achieve a higher band score, develop your ideas fully and provide more specific examples relevant to the topic given.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Opportunities
  • Growth
  • Innovation
  • Challenges
  • Self-discovery
  • Resilience
  • Uncertainty
  • Consequences
  • Calculated risks
  • Stagnation
  • Regret
  • Comfort zone
  • Entrepreneurship
  • Adventurous spirit
  • Thriving
  • Failure
  • Mitigate
  • Reap the rewards
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