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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The bar chart shows the percentage of school children learning to play different musical instruments in 2005, 2010, and 2015.

The bar chart shows the percentage of school children learning to play different musical instruments in 2005, 2010, and 2015.
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The chart illustrates the proportion of school kids learning to play 4 different musical instruments in 2005, 2010 and 2015.
It is clear that
Linking Words
,
while
Linking Words
 the percentage of
student
Fix the agreement mistake
students
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 learning
piano
Use synonyms
, guitar and drums increased, the opposite was true for violin.
Also
Linking Words
,
Use synonyms
piano
Add an article
the piano
a piano
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 was the most common instrument in the most of years. In 2005, there was about roughly 12% of school
student
Fix the agreement mistake
students
show examples
 learning to play
piano
Use synonyms
, in comparison with over 10% for guitar. In the next 10 years, the figure for
student
Fix the agreement mistake
students
show examples
 learning
piano
Use synonyms
 increased significantly to a fifth in 2010 and roughly 37% in 2015. During the period, the proportion of kids
choosen
Correct your spelling
chosen
choose
 to learn guitar went up by 7% in 2010
then
Linking Words
 accounting for over 40% and
become
Wrong verb form
became
show examples
 the most popular musical instrument at school in 2015.
Look
Wrong verb form
Looking
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 at the remaining kinds of instruments, there was an upward trend from 5% in 2010 to nearly 9% in 2015 after staying at 5% over a period of 5
year
Change to a plural noun
years
show examples
 starting from 2005. In
contracy
Correct your spelling
contrast
, the percentage of
violians
Correct your spelling
violations
violins
 accounted for below 10% in 2005, which was followed by
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 downward trend to roughly 5% in 2010.

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Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 70%.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words piano with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "trend" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "roughly" was used 3 times.
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