The bar chart shows the percentage of school children learning to play different musical instruments in 2005, 2010, and 2015.

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The chart illustrates the proportion of school kids learning to play 4 different musical instruments in 2005, 2010 and 2015.

It is clear that

Linking Words

while

Linking Words

the percentage of

student

Fix the agreement mistake

students

show examples

learning

piano

Use synonyms

, guitar and drums increased, the opposite was true for violin.

Also

Linking Words

Use synonyms

piano

Add an article

the piano

a piano

show examples

was the most common instrument in the most of years. In 2005, there was about roughly 12% of school

student

Fix the agreement mistake

students

show examples

learning to play

piano

Use synonyms

, in comparison with over 10% for guitar. In the next 10 years, the figure for

student

Fix the agreement mistake

students

show examples

learning

piano

Use synonyms

increased significantly to a fifth in 2010 and roughly 37% in 2015. During the period, the proportion of kids

choosen

Correct your spelling

chosen

choose

to learn guitar went up by 7% in 2010

then

Linking Words

accounting for over 40% and

become

Wrong verb form

became

show examples

the most popular musical instrument at school in 2015.

Look

Wrong verb form

Looking

show examples

at the remaining kinds of instruments, there was an upward trend from 5% in 2010 to nearly 9% in 2015 after staying at 5% over a period of 5

year

Change to a plural noun

years

show examples

starting from 2005. In

contracy

Correct your spelling

contrast

, the percentage of

violians

Correct your spelling

violations

violins

accounted for below 10% in 2005, which was followed by

the

Correct article usage

show examples

downward trend to roughly 5% in 2010.

Submitted by tranngohoaingoc on Thu Dec 14 2023

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Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 70%.

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Vocabulary: Replace the words piano with synonyms.

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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 2 times.

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Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 2 times.

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Vocabulary: The word "trend" was used 2 times.

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Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 2 times.

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Vocabulary: The word "roughly" was used 3 times.

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4
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
11
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 9.0

Logical structure

Single idea per paragraph

Introduction & conclusion present

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 9.0

Complete response

Suitable writing tone

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

188 words

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The bar chart shows the percentage of school children learning to play different musical instruments in 2005, 2010, and 2015.

Some people think more public money should be spent on roads and motorways than on public transport systems. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

in some countries, younger people are neglecting their right to vote. what problems does this cause and what are some of possible solutions?

Some people believe that governments should invest more in public transportation systems to reduce traffic congestion and pollution. Others argue that the focus should be on improving roads and highways. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

Some people believe that teaching children at home is the best for a child’s development while others think that it is important for children to go to school. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.