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Band 4.5

Some people think that parents should teach their children to be good members of society However, others believe School is the best place to learn this. Discuss both the view and give your opinion.

#people #parents #children #members #society #school #place
Few individuals believe that
parents
 should teach their children to become better
members
 of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society
. But, others think the best place to learn about
this
 is at
academy
Add an article
the academy
show examples
.
Although
Correct article usage
the later
show examples
later
Correct your spelling
latter
show examples
 notion can be beneficial,
but
Remove the conjunction
apply
show examples
in my opinion
parents
 should teach their children to become good
citizens
 institute is a good area to learn how to become good
members
 of a community.
This
 means there are teachers who know about
society
 more than their students, which helps to guide them and helps them to become
a better
Correct the article-noun agreement
a better member
better members
show examples
members
in
Change preposition
of
show examples
society
.
For example
, In the USA, a school has started teaching about
society
 to their students which helps them to become good
citizens
 in future.
Thus
, school is one of the best places to learn and become a good
society
 member. I
beleive
Correct your spelling
believe
 parent should tutor their
kids
 to become better
citizens
 because
parents
 know their
kids
 better than anyone in the world and
also
 they know their community than any other random people. It means that
parents
 know their children since their birth and they know their every behaviour and activity.
Also
, they know about their
society
 more than other people people from different societies like teachers and other
members
 from different societies.
For instance
, in
UK
Correct article usage
the UK
show examples
,
parents
 started teaching their
kids
what
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
are positive and negative things about their
society
.
This
 may help a lot
Change preposition
of
show examples
Change preposition
of
show examples
kids
 to become better
citizens
 in
Correct article usage
the coming
show examples
coming
Correct article usage
the coming
show examples
 days.
Capitalize word
Therefore
show examples
therefore
Capitalize word
Therefore
show examples
,
parents
 are better teachers for their sons and daughters to become good
members
 of the community. In conclusion,
Although
 school can be a good place for
kids
 to learn and become good
society
members
. But, I believe
parents
 are the best tutors for
kids
 to become better
citizens
.
Submitted by anushabhujel37 on

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coherence cohesion
Your essay contains a basic structure with an introduction and a conclusion. However, it is essential to develop your paragraphs more effectively, ensuring that each main point is elaborated upon with sufficient detail. Paragraphing and proper signposting are required to guide the reader through your ideas with clarity.
task achievement
While you have addressed the task and provided an opinion, the response could be more comprehensive by fully exploring both sides of the argument. Develop specific, detailed examples to strengthen your arguments. It is also necessary to provide a balanced discussion before articulating your own view.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • good members of society
  • teach
  • parents
  • schools
  • responsibility
  • values
  • respect
  • empathy
  • responsibility
  • formal education
  • citizenship
  • ethics
  • social responsibility
  • lead by example
  • role models
  • conducive environment
  • extracurricular activities
  • community involvement
  • collaborate
  • holistic approach
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