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Band 4.5

An increasing number of professionals, such as doctors and teachers are leaving their own poor countries to work in developed countries.

#professionals #doctors #teachers #countries #work
The increasing migration of professionals from poorer
regions
 to developed countries, particularly in fields like medicine and education, poses significant challenges. One major consequence is the depletion of skilled workers in underprivileged areas, leaving numerous job vacancies and hindering essential services
such
 as education. To tackle
this
 issue, governments must enhance incentives for professionals to work in impoverished
regions
, including salary increments and supportive facilities. Another critical concern is the stunted development of impoverished countries
due to
 the lack of skilled workforce. To counter
this
, governments should focus on improving infrastructure,
creating
Correct word choice
and creating
show examples
 an environment that attracts professionals.
For instance
, the construction of infrastructure in rural areas, as seen in Papua, can serve as a strategy to entice doctors and teachers to contribute to the development of these
regions
. In conclusion, the departure of specialized workers from less affluent countries results in a diminishing human resource pool in these areas, impeding their development. Governments need to implement measures like improved incentives and infrastructure to address
this
 challenge and foster growth in impoverished
regions
.
Submitted by misstiasclassroom on

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Coherence & Cohesion
In terms of coherence and cohesion, make sure to organize your ideas clearly, using paragraphs effectively to separate distinct points. The use of cohesive devices, such as linking words and phrases, should be done to create a logical flow. It is important to elaborate on main points with sufficient detail, going beyond a superficial overview.
Task Achievement
Regarding task achievement, be sure to fully cover all parts of the prompt in your response. Provide a clear position throughout the essay and ensure that your ideas are explained and developed. Including specific examples to support your points will make your argument more compelling. Aim to extend the reasoning and make the connection between ideas and examples clearer to enhance this aspect of your writing.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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