IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4

some people think children have the freedom to make mistakes, while other people believe that adults should prevent children from making mistakes. Discuss both views and give your opinion

#people #children #freedom #mistakes #adults
a
child
's upbringing plays an indisputably important role in shaping a person. Regarding whether
children
 should be allowed to make
mistakes
, there is a strong case to be made for both sides of
debate
Add an article
the debate
show examples
 On the one hand,
supports
Fix the agreement mistake
support
show examples
 of
parents'
Change noun form
parents
show examples
 intervention often
highlight
Correct subject-verb agreement
highlights
show examples
 that most of the
mistakes
 that
children
 are prone to making are avoidable.
For example
, it is unnecessary for a
child
 to get hurt to learn that they should be careful with knives, fire and electricity.
Furthermore
, it is the
parents'
Correct your spelling
parent's
show examples
 responsibility to shield their
children
 from harm, and forestalling
thier
Correct your spelling
their
mistakes
 is certainly a way of fulfilling
this
 duty.
Lastly
, preemptively helping a
child
 avoid making
mistakes
, so the argument goes gives
parents
 peace of mind because they know that they have done their best to protect and raise their
child
 On
other
Correct article usage
the other
show examples
 hand , though , advocates of the trial and error method often argue that
parents
 cannot be around their
children
 all the time, and so letting them experiment with new things and possibly make
mistakes
 is inevitable.
Moreover
, those who support the idea of giving
children
 the freedom to make
mistakes
 point to the invaluable lessons that
children
 can learn, These lessons will stand them in good stead in later stages of life.
Finally
, on
this
 side of the debate, people emphasize that
children
 who are shielded from everything will grow up to be overdependent on others, which is a very undesirable trait.
overall
, it appears that the stronger argument is in favor of allowing
children
 to learn from their
mistakes
, with all the
Correct your spelling
advantages
adventages
Correct your spelling
advantages
 of preparing them for their future of course,
this
 is provided that
parents
 have to intervene or give guidance when it comes to important matters to help them avoid making
mistakes
 that may derail their entire future
Submitted by BinhTruong0808 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
Ensure your essay has a clear introduction, body, and conclusion. The introduction should set the stage for the discussion, while the conclusion should succinctly summarize your main points and opinion.
coherence cohesion
Organize your ideas logically and use transitional phrases to help the reader follow your argument more easily. Pay attention to paragraph structure, with one central idea per paragraph.
coherence cohesion
Each main point should be well-supported with specific examples or reasons. Avoid broad statements without adequate explanation or illustration.
task achievement
Your response should completely address all parts of the task. Make sure you discuss both views fully and provide your own clear opinion on the issue.
task achievement
Develop your ideas fully to demonstrate comprehension and depth. Ensure that your argument is comprehensive and fully fleshed out, so the reader can understand your reasoning.
task achievement
Use relevant, specific examples to support your ideas. This will strengthen your argument and demonstrate your understanding of the topic.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: