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Writing Samples
Band 6

This diagram below shows the manufacturring process for making suger from suger cane.

This diagram below shows the manufacturring process for making suger from suger cane.
#process #suger #cane
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The rendered chart illustrates the manufacturing process for making
sugar
Use synonyms
 from
sugar
Use synonyms
 cane.
Overall
Linking Words
, it is clearly seen that there are seven main steps to
make
Wrong verb form
making
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sugar
Use synonyms
 with the help of
sugar
Use synonyms
 cane.
Also
Linking Words
, the second step is done with the help of machines and
manual
Fix the agreement mistake
manuals
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.
According to
Linking Words
 the given diagram, at
first,
Linking Words
sugar
Use synonyms
 canes are planted and they take 12 to 18 months to grow. Afterwards, the harvesting of
sugar
Use synonyms
canes
Fix the agreement mistake
cane
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 were started by two methods
such
Linking Words
 as with tools and by hand.
Moreover
Linking Words
, the
sugar
Use synonyms
 cane is crushed with a crushing machine for
juice
Use synonyms
. In the fourth step, once the material has been crushed, the
juice
Use synonyms
 is purified with the limestone filter. Moving
further
Linking Words
, filtered
juice
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 is kept on the heat in a container for an evaporator and the
juice
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 becomes syrup.
Apart from
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
, the centrifuge helps to separate
sugar
Use synonyms
 crystals from syrup.
Lastly
Linking Words
,
sugar
Use synonyms
 is kept in the large drum for drying and cooling.
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Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Basic structure: Change the fourth paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words sugar, juice with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: Only 4 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fourth paragraph.
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