Nowadays, some older people choose to live in the retirement communities with other people, rather than living with their adult children. Is it a positive or negative development?
Retirement
homes
have become prominent in today's world. After a certain period, a group of people retire from work and live with strangers of similar age rather than living with their children. I strongly believe that this
development has a negative outcome on one's life.
To begin
with, older generations in a family are considered to be a responsibility as they may not be able to do day-to-day tasks on their own. As a result
, their children either force them or convince them to live in aged care
. This
distance from their families, however
, creates loneliness or depression among the ageing individuals because they wish to cherish the little achievements of their children and grandchildren but are deprived of them. Although
they are looked after by professional helpers, senior citizens miss the love they could receive from their family, as a result
, affects their mental health. So these life care
homes
have a negative output on aged people's well-being.
Apart from
this
aspect, the other reason why aged care
homes
do not have a positive impact is security. Especially with rapid growth in digitalisation, it is hard for the older generation to keep up with the technology, therefore
, staying away from their family, they would rely on aged care
workers to make transactions or monitor finances. This
can lead to misuse of personal information or even being robbed unknowingly. For instance
, there was news about an aged care
worker debiting thousands of dollars from an old couple for several years, and later she was reported by their families to police. Thus
, it is not safe for our older members of families to live by themselves in the life care
accommodations.
To conclude
, I firmly think, the development of after-retirement homes
has a negative outcome in our lives. It creates distance from loved ones which affects one's mental health, and also
, allows strangers to take hold of their money management.Submitted by agarwal.bhavi07 on
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coherence cohesion
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coherence cohesion
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coherence cohesion
Use a variety of linking words and phrases to connect ideas and sentences, showcasing your range of language skills. Aim for a smooth transition between sentences and paragraphs.
task achievement
Address all aspects of the task, ensuring a balanced discussion of the topic. In this case, the essay slightly lacks a discussion on the positive aspects, which could lead to a more balanced argument.
task achievement
Present ideas clearly and develop them thoroughly throughout the essay, ensuring that examples specifically illustrate the points being made. Some examples could be more effectively linked to the argument.
task achievement
Support your points with a range of relevant examples. The essay uses examples, but there is room to use more specific instances or expert opinions that can add weight to your argument.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.
Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.
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Linking words for giving examples:
- for example
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- to give a clear example
- such as
- namely
- to illustrate
- take, for example
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