IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

The‎ ‎chart‎ ‎below‎ ‎give‎ ‎information‎ ‎on‎ ‎the‎ ‎consumption‎ ‎of‎ ‎water‎ ‎by‎ ‎agricultural‎ ‎products‎ ‎in‎ ‎Australia‎ ‎in‎ ‎‎2‎‎0‎‎1‎‎4‎‎,‎‎ ‎and‎ ‎the‎ ‎share‎ ‎of‎ ‎income‎ ‎they‎ ‎produced‎.‎

The‎ ‎chart‎ ‎below‎ ‎give‎ ‎information‎ ‎on‎ ‎the‎ ‎consumption‎ ‎of‎ ‎water‎ ‎by‎ ‎agricultural‎ ‎products‎ ‎in‎ ‎Australia‎ ‎in‎ ‎‎2‎‎0‎‎1‎‎4‎‎,‎‎ ‎and‎ ‎the‎ ‎share‎ ‎of‎ ‎income‎ ‎they‎ ‎produced‎.‎
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
The‎ ‎pie‎ ‎charts‎ ‎illustrate‎ ‎the‎ ‎proportion‎ ‎of‎ ‎water‎ ‎consumption‎ ‎in‎ ‎six‎ ‎parts‎ ‎of‎ ‎agricultural‎ ‎production‎ ‎and‎ ‎the‎ ‎percentage‎ ‎of‎ ‎
earning
Fix the agreement mistake
earnings
show examples
‎ ‎of‎ ‎each‎ ‎
these
Change preposition
of these
show examples
‎ ‎parts‎ ‎in‎ ‎Australia‎ ‎in‎ ‎‎2‎‎0‎‎1‎‎4‎‎.‎ It‎ ‎can‎ ‎be‎ ‎inferred‎ ‎that‎,‎‎ ‎
although
Linking Words
‎ ‎livestock‎ ‎had‎ ‎been‎ ‎the‎ ‎highest‎ ‎water‎ ‎consumer‎,‎‎ ‎
but
Remove the conjunction
apply
show examples
‎ ‎the‎ ‎income‎ ‎achieved‎ ‎from‎ ‎it‎ ‎was‎ ‎the‎ ‎lowest‎ ‎one‎.‎‎ ‎
However
Linking Words
‎,‎‎ ‎
fruit
Correct article usage
the fruit
show examples
‎ ‎section‎ ‎had‎ ‎the‎ ‎highest‎ ‎revenue‎ ‎
between
Change preposition
among
show examples
‎ ‎other‎ ‎parts‎ ‎in‎ ‎‎2‎‎0‎‎1‎‎4‎‎.‎ It‎ ‎is‎ ‎obvious‎ ‎that‎
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
‎‎ ‎‎3‎‎6‎‎%‎‎ ‎of‎ ‎water‎ ‎was‎ ‎allocated‎ ‎to‎ ‎livestock‎,‎but‎ ‎
it‎’‎s
Correct your spelling
its
‎ ‎income‎ ‎was‎ ‎‎5‎‎%‎‎ ‎whilst‎ ‎fruit‎’‎
s
Correct your spelling
's
‎ ‎income‎ ‎approximately‎ ‎was‎ ‎
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
‎ ‎double‎ ‎of‎ ‎it‎’‎s‎ ‎water‎ ‎used‎ ‎at‎ ‎‎2‎‎0‎‎%‎‎ ‎and‎ ‎‎4‎‎0‎‎%‎‎ ‎respectively‎.‎‎ ‎
Moreover
Linking Words
‎,‎the‎ ‎percentage‎ ‎of‎ ‎other‎ ‎usages‎ ‎was‎ ‎as‎ ‎same‎ ‎as‎ ‎sugar‎ ‎in‎ ‎terms‎ ‎of‎ ‎water‎ ‎consumption‎ ‎and‎ ‎income‎ ‎generation‎ ‎at‎ ‎‎1‎‎0‎‎%‎‎ ‎‎.‎‎ ‎
While
Linking Words
‎ ‎rice‎ ‎had‎ ‎the‎ ‎minimum‎ ‎usage‎ ‎of‎ ‎water‎ ‎just‎ ‎‎5‎‎%‎‎ ‎‎,‎‎ ‎
it‎’‎s
Correct your spelling
its
‎ ‎income‎ ‎generation‎ ‎was‎ ‎quadruple‎ ‎of‎ ‎
it‎’‎s
Correct your spelling
its
‎ ‎water‎ ‎used‎ ‎almost‎ ‎‎2‎‎0‎‎ ‎‎%‎‎.‎‎ ‎
Furthermore
Linking Words
‎,‎‎ ‎‎2‎‎0‎‎%‎‎ ‎of‎ ‎water‎ ‎consumption‎ ‎and‎ ‎income‎ ‎generation‎ ‎pie‎ ‎charts‎ ‎were‎ ‎constituted‎ ‎by‎ ‎dairy‎ ‎throughout‎ ‎the‎ ‎year‎.‎

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
▼
Basic structure: Change the second paragraph.
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words ‎the‎, ‎of‎, ‎water‎, ‎in‎, ‎and‎, ‎income‎, ‎was‎, ‎it‎’‎s‎ with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: Only 6 basic words for charts were used.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "charts" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
▼
What to do next:
Look at other essays: