In some countries young people have become richer, healthier and live longer, but they are less happy. What are the causes? What can be done to address this situation?

#countries #people #address #situation

It is true that there is a tendency in some nations that

although

youngsters not only

becomes

Correct subject-verb agreement

become

show examples

wealthier and healthier but

also

have a longer life expectancy, they do not feel contented. Some explanations for

this

problem

such

as a more modern lifestyle and overloaded missions will be put forward before a few measures are proposed to be adopted like reducing work hours in companies and rearranging personal schedules. There are two key reasons for

this

situation. The primary one is that with high-tech devices nowadays, young people can easily earn money to enhance their health

as well as

their living standard from different online shopping

basis

Fix the agreement mistake

bases

show examples

For example

, numerous individuals use TikTok or Facebook as a means of making a living and stick their eyes to their phones a whole day rather than talking and sharing their personal stories, which creates a huge distance between members of families. Another cause that should be mentioned is that most people these days are under pressure

of working

Change preposition

to work

show examples

overtime in order to have a higher salary and get promoted, which makes them exhausted and not have enough time for their family and friends.

Therefore

this

trend leads to the issue that despite being richer and healthier, most of them are not really satisfied with their life. Fortunately, some solutions could be taken to tackle

this

problem. The first convinced one is that

government

Correct article usage

the government

show examples

should enforce a new policy as work hours should be reduced so that employers are able to spend more time with their beloved and improve their relationships.

Secondly

, individuals should take some steps to rearrange their timetable in order that they manage to follow their interests

along with

their compulsory activities at work to relieve stress.

For instance

, a study shows that spending time unwinding and doing what people are keen on could help promote motivation in their jobs. In conclusion,

it is clear that

a stronger mind results in a stronger body and vice versa.

While

money is an undeniably crucial part of our

life

Fix the agreement mistake

lives

show examples

, physical fitness is

also

extremely necessary.

Submitted by danphamngocha on Sat Aug 05 2023

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lexical resource

Make sure to use a wider range of vocabulary and sentence structures to enhance the lexical resource and grammatical range and accuracy scores. This will also make the essay more engaging and sophisticated.

task achievement

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coherence cohesion

The introduction clearly states the problem and outlines the structure of the essay, making it easy to follow.

task achievement

The essay provides a complete response to the task by discussing both causes and solutions to the problem.

supported main points

The main points are supported with explanations and some examples, which demonstrates a good understanding of the topic.

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12Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
0Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

342 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 5.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 5.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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In some countries young people have become richer, healthier and live longer, but they are less happy. What are the causes? What can be done to address this situation?

People living in the 21st century have a better quality of life than the previous centuries. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Some people who have been in prison become good citizens later. Some people think that they are the best people to teach school students the danger of committing a crime. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

what can we do to protect the environment? What are the solutions for this?

Some people think the government should pay for health care and education, but there is no agreement about whether it is the government’s responsibility. What is your opinion?