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friendships that take place online are not as meaningful as those where people meet each other face-to-face.Do you agree or disagree?

#friendships #place #people
It is an irrefutable fact that today's technology gives us the opportunity to connect with all kinds of
people
,
such
 as new e-
friends
. Nowadays, some
people
 hold the view that the meaningfulness rate for real-life
friends
 is much higher compared to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
companions who are met virtually. Indeed, I approve of the idea stated above, and I will explain my choice with some clear details and examples in
below
Correct article usage
the below
show examples
 essay. First and foremost, it's obvious that bonding with digital
friends
 can lead to several negative outcomes. The main argument is that they may not be what they seem. What I mean by
this
 is that sharing personal information
similar
Correct word choice
such
show examples
to
Change preposition
as
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 address, telephone number, data about bank cards, etc. with someone
who
Change the pronoun
whom
show examples
 an innocent individual does not know enough may put him or her
under
Change preposition
at
show examples
 risk of  both mental and financial safety.
As a consequence
, by trusting anyone randomly
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 social media platforms like Telegram, Instagram, and Twitter as a close individual, we can make sure that it might represent a significant threat to our privacy.
For example
, a study conducted in Britain about the reasons for falling into phishing has shown that 68% of victims were deceived by
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
people
 who were online
friends
 of themselves. It can
thus
 be inferred that having a bond with any user on the Internet can be meaningless.
Moreover
, it's
also
 crystal clear that there might be countless emotional and psychological barriers between
friends
 when they communicate only online. To be more specific, a primary contention in
this
 context is miscommunication.
In other words
,
although
 a person can use emojis in order to show their emotional situation, communication, like texting, can be misconceived because of the lack of body language and tone of voice.
Consequently
,
this
 case even can lead to blocking each other permanently. In conclusion,
while
 I acknowledge that forming
friendship
Fix the agreement mistake
friendships
show examples
 via virtual platforms can be useful in some cases, I would argue that meeting
people
 face-to-face is more meaningful.
Submitted by dostontojiboyev007 on

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task achievement
Your essay shows an adequate attempt at discussing the relevant issues related to the topic. However, it could have included a more nuanced argument with a range of ideas that explored both sides of the issue.
coherence cohesion
While there is a logical structure to your essay, transitions between ideas could be smoother. Furthermore, paragraphs should have clearly defined main points that are explained and supported in depth.
coherence cohesion
Ensure your introduction and conclusion are clear and summarize your main points effectively. The conclusion should tie back to the introduction without simply repeating the exact same points or phrases.
task achievement
When choosing examples, it's important that they are relevant and specific to the idea you are discussing. They should clearly illustrate the point and be integrated smoothly into your argument.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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