IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

In many cities,problems related to overpopulation are becoming common.Some governments are now encourging businesses and indivividuals to move out of cities to rural areas.Do the advantages of this trend outweigh the disadvantages?

The idea of moving to the city as a way to find better opportunities is now becoming unreal,
due to
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 the thousands of people who have had the same idea. In many cities, questions about overpopulation are becoming serious, and some authorities are encouraging local businesses and individuals to
move
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 out of the cities.
This
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 essay will highlight the advantages and
disadvantages
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 of
this
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 movement. The main benefit of moving to rural areas is a totally new region to expand your business. If you
move
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 to a rural place, there is quite a lot of space to insert your products in a new place. Or, with the government encouraging people to
move
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 out, some financial reward might come, followed by
this
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 movement, and
this
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 money would allow people to invest in their own ideas. Clearly, being able to
move
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 to a new place with financial support would increase your chances of success.
On the other hand
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,
disadvantages
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 might show up after moving to rural areas. There is a chance that your business will not be well-suited to the new community.
For instance
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, if you have a store of fancy clothes, it may not be acceptable
due to
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 the lack of necessity.
In addition
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, because of the distance, your raw material could
also
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 become more expensive to deliver, resulting in an impact on your profits. In
this
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 essay, I compared the advantages and
disadvantages
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 of moving out of the city to rural areas.
While
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 allowing the possibility of expanding your business. Personally, I believe that the
disadvantages
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 outweigh the benefits of
such
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 a change.

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task response
Make your main answer very clear early. Say if the good points are more or the bad points are more in the introduction.
task response
Explain your ideas more. Some points are good, but they need one more step of support.
task response
Use more clear and real examples. Your example about fancy clothes is helpful, but one more example would make your answer stronger.
coherence and cohesion
Keep each paragraph focused on one main idea, as you mostly do now.
coherence and cohesion
Be careful with sentence links. One part in the conclusion is not a full sentence: 'While allowing the possibility of expanding your business.'
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words in a natural way. 'On the other hand' and 'In addition' are good, but do not overuse set phrases.
task response
You answer both sides of the question: good points and bad points.
task response
Your ideas are relevant to the topic and easy to follow.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
Paragraphing is good, and the order of ideas is logical.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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