some children spent hours everyday on their smartphones. why is this the case? do you think this is a positive or negative development?

#children #hours #smartphones #case #development

nowadays

children

are more

attractive

Replace the word

attracted

show examples

Change preposition

show examples

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

smartphone

Fix the agreement mistake

smartphones

show examples

. The

children

don't know what is

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

right or wrong.

this

reason spend

everyday

Rephrase

apply

show examples

a lot of

time

spend. I think it is negative for development. The

children

using

smartphone

Fix the agreement mistake

smartphones

show examples

effect

Correct your spelling

affect

show examples

their

body

Fix the agreement mistake

bodies

show examples

To begin

with, the

children

Change noun form

children's

show examples

mind is fresh.

This

time

children

using

Wrong verb form

use of

show examples

phone

Fix the agreement mistake

phones

show examples

that

time

effect

Correct your spelling

affects

show examples

Their

mind

Fix the agreement mistake

minds

show examples

children

their

life

which is wrong and which is right they are not found. most of the

Children

Change noun form

Children's

show examples

Life

Fix the agreement mistake

Lives

show examples

attract is

Verb problem

are occupied by

show examples

playing and without

study

. that mobile

Unnecessary verb

apply

show examples

most

effect

Correct your spelling

affects

show examples

the

study

also

Correct word choice

and also

show examples

there

Replace the word

their

show examples

body.

however

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

smartphone

Change the noun form

smartphones

show examples

are available

game

Change preposition

for game

show examples

feature

Fix the agreement mistake

features

show examples

and

others browser

Fix the agreement mistake

other browsers

show examples

. the

children

Change noun form

children's

show examples

life

without

Correct pronoun usage

their parents

show examples

parents

Change noun form

parents'

parent's

show examples

guide

Replace the word

guidance

show examples

in the future are very

disappointed

Replace the word

disappointing

show examples

on the other hand

, some of

time

Add an article

the time

show examples

using mobile phone help

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

children

. like,

study

topic

Fix the agreement mistake

topics

show examples

but with

friends

Change noun form

friends'

friend's

show examples

guide

Replace the word

guidance

show examples

otherwise

Add a comma

otherwise,

show examples

children

goes

Change the verb form

show examples

to other Browser.

nowadays

Capitalize word

Nowadays

show examples

social platform

are

Change the verb form

show examples

available

study

Add the particle

to study

show examples

topi

Correct your spelling

topic

show examples

. The

children

are

Unnecessary verb

apply

show examples

easily gained they are

knowledg

Correct your spelling

knowledge

. the

children

with parents guide mobile using their

study

life

hel.

however

, I argue without

parents

Change noun form

parents'

parent's

show examples

guideline

Fix the agreement mistake

guidelines

show examples

children

study

effect

mostly.

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

children

using

smartphone

Fix the agreement mistake

smartphones

show examples

reason not attractive

their

Change preposition

to their

show examples

study

Fix the agreement mistake

studies

show examples

. In conclusion,

although

smartphone using

Add a hyphen

smartphone-using

show examples

children

help they are

study

but

Remove the conjunction

apply

show examples

I think

smartphone

reason they are without guidelines

effect

Correct your spelling

affects

show examples

they are body and

study

Submitted by suhanimtiaz on Thu Dec 14 2023

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Introduction & Conclusion

The essay lacks a clear introduction and conclusion. Be sure to begin with an introductory paragraph that outlines the topic and your standpoint, and end with a clear conclusion summarizing your main points and opinion.

Grammar & Vocabulary

There are significant issues with grammar, vocabulary, and sentence structure that hinder the communication of ideas. Consider revising your essay with a focus on grammatical accuracy and clarity of expression.

Paragraph Structure

The organization of the essay is unclear and ideas are not logically sequenced. Work on creating well-structured paragraphs, each containing one main idea supported by examples or explanations.

Supporting Ideas

Develop your points more fully. Rather than simply stating an idea, explain how and why it's important, and support each point with clear and relevant examples. This will strengthen your argument and improve task achievement.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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7Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
6Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
53Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

213 words

<4

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 4.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 4.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Topic Vocabulary:

smartphones
usage
technology
accessibility
convenience
entertainment
gaming
social media
communication
educational resources
addiction
dependence
negative effects
physical health
mental health

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some children spent hours everyday on their smartphones. why is this the case? do you think this is a positive or negative development?

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

number of children who drop the school is increasing in some countries.what are the reasons and solutions to overcome this problem.

Percantage of mobile phones owners using various mobile features in 2006 2008 and 2010

Many things that use to be done in the home by hand are now being done by the machines. Does this development bring more advantage or disadvantage.

Governments give a lot of support to artists, even though some people think it is a waste of money that could have been used elsewhere. Discuss both views and give your opinion.