some children spent hours everyday on their smartphones. why is this the case? do you think this is a positive or negative development?

#children #hours #smartphones #case #development

nowadays

children

are more

attractive

Replace the word

attracted

show examples

Change preposition

show examples

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

smartphone

Fix the agreement mistake

smartphones

show examples

. The

children

don't know what is

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

right or wrong.

this

reason spend

everyday

Rephrase

apply

show examples

a lot of

time

spend. I think it is negative for development. The

children

using

smartphone

Fix the agreement mistake

smartphones

show examples

effect

Correct your spelling

affect

show examples

their

body

Fix the agreement mistake

bodies

show examples

To begin

with, the

children

Change noun form

children's

show examples

mind is fresh.

This

time

children

using

Wrong verb form

use of

show examples

phone

Fix the agreement mistake

phones

show examples

that

time

effect

Correct your spelling

affects

show examples

Their

mind

Fix the agreement mistake

minds

show examples

children

their

life

which is wrong and which is right they are not found. most of the

Children

Change noun form

Children's

show examples

Life

Fix the agreement mistake

Lives

show examples

attract is

Verb problem

are occupied by

show examples

playing and without

study

. that mobile

Unnecessary verb

apply

show examples

most

effect

Correct your spelling

affects

show examples

the

study

also

Correct word choice

and also

show examples

there

Replace the word

their

show examples

body.

however

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

smartphone

Change the noun form

smartphones

show examples

are available

game

Change preposition

for game

show examples

feature

Fix the agreement mistake

features

show examples

and

others browser

Fix the agreement mistake

other browsers

show examples

. the

children

Change noun form

children's

show examples

life

without

Correct pronoun usage

their parents

show examples

parents

Change noun form

parents'

parent's

show examples

guide

Replace the word

guidance

show examples

in the future are very

disappointed

Replace the word

disappointing

show examples

on the other hand

, some of

time

Add an article

the time

show examples

using mobile phone help

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

children

. like,

study

topic

Fix the agreement mistake

topics

show examples

but with

friends

Change noun form

friends'

friend's

show examples

guide

Replace the word

guidance

show examples

otherwise

Add a comma

otherwise,

show examples

children

goes

Change the verb form

show examples

to other Browser.

nowadays

Capitalize word

Nowadays

show examples

social platform

are

Change the verb form

show examples

available

study

Add the particle

to study

show examples

topi

Correct your spelling

topic

show examples

. The

children

are

Unnecessary verb

apply

show examples

easily gained they are

knowledg

Correct your spelling

knowledge

. the

children

with parents guide mobile using their

study

life

hel.

however

, I argue without

parents

Change noun form

parents'

parent's

show examples

guideline

Fix the agreement mistake

guidelines

show examples

children

study

effect

mostly.

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

children

using

smartphone

Fix the agreement mistake

smartphones

show examples

reason not attractive

their

Change preposition

to their

show examples

study

Fix the agreement mistake

studies

show examples

. In conclusion,

although

smartphone using

Add a hyphen

smartphone-using

show examples

children

help they are

study

but

Remove the conjunction

apply

show examples

I think

smartphone

reason they are without guidelines

effect

Correct your spelling

affects

show examples

they are body and

study

Submitted by suhanimtiaz on Thu Dec 14 2023

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Introduction & Conclusion

The essay lacks a clear introduction and conclusion. Be sure to begin with an introductory paragraph that outlines the topic and your standpoint, and end with a clear conclusion summarizing your main points and opinion.

Grammar & Vocabulary

There are significant issues with grammar, vocabulary, and sentence structure that hinder the communication of ideas. Consider revising your essay with a focus on grammatical accuracy and clarity of expression.

Paragraph Structure

The organization of the essay is unclear and ideas are not logically sequenced. Work on creating well-structured paragraphs, each containing one main idea supported by examples or explanations.

Supporting Ideas

Develop your points more fully. Rather than simply stating an idea, explain how and why it's important, and support each point with clear and relevant examples. This will strengthen your argument and improve task achievement.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Do you want to check your IELTS essays?

Submit unlimited essays, letters and charts. Sign up right now and start improving your writing skills.

7Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
6Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
53Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

213 words

<40

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 4.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 4.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

🚀 Prepare for IELTS writing section today!

Unlimited Task 1 checks
Get all the feedback you need to keep improving your charts and letters.
Unlimited Task 2 checks
Practice and perfect your skills with essays.
Personalized suggestions
Know how to boost your score.
Detailed mistakes analysis
Get instant feedback. Spot every mistake.
Topic ideas generator
Get topic-specific ideas to enhance your writing.
Vocabulary helper
Get the right words for any topic.
Progress tracking
Track your writing improvements.

Topic Vocabulary:

smartphones
usage
technology
accessibility
convenience
entertainment
gaming
social media
communication
educational resources
addiction
dependence
negative effects
physical health
mental health

What to do next:

Look at other essays:

5
band
It will be better to have wide use of driverless cars for individuals and society. To what extent do you agree or disagree with the statement?
Nowadays, more and more car manufacturers are investing in the development of automated vehicles, some believes that auto driving cars should be widely used by human. I partially agree with this becauase there are benefits and drawbacks on people and society.
5
band
Are playing games more effective or harmful to children?
Some people believe that playing games has a negative effects on children whereas others consider it has some effective sides on their study and health at the same time. In my view, there are more drawbacks of allowing child to play games completely.
4.5
band
In some countries levels of health and fitness are decreasing and average weights are increasing. What do you think are the causes of these problems and what are some possible solutions?
In several countries the rate of health and fitness are drop and the obesity was dominant. There several reasons why this occur and some solutions to overcome it.
5
band
Every year several languages die out. Some people think this is not important because life will be easier if there are fewer languages. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?
Languages symbolise the cultural heritage of any region and are a means of communication and a way to express themselves. However, various languages are becoming extinct on a daily basis. Some argue that we should not be concerned because fewer dialects will make life easier. In contrast, I partially disagree with their viewpoint. In the following paragraphs, I will elaborate on my perspective on this topic.
7
band
Some people believe that allowing children to make their own choices on everyday matters (such as food, clothes and entertainment) is likely to result in a society of individuals who only think about their own wishes. Other people believe that it is important for children to make decisions about matters that affect them. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.
Giving children the right to make their own decisions on some related matters in their life is always considered to be a controversial issue that draws great attention from a multitude of parents. Although many people argue that allowing children to make their own decisions may lead to selfish thoughts, I still support parents to do so because it can provide a lot of influential benefits.

some children spent hours everyday on their smartphones. why is this the case? do you think this is a positive or negative development?

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

It will be better to have wide use of driverless cars for individuals and society. To what extent do you agree or disagree with the statement?

Are playing games more effective or harmful to children?

In some countries levels of health and fitness are decreasing and average weights are increasing. What do you think are the causes of these problems and what are some possible solutions?

Every year several languages die out. Some people think this is not important because life will be easier if there are fewer languages. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?