some children spent hours everyday on their smartphones. why is this the case? do you think this is a positive or negative development?

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Introduction

nowadays

children

Use synonyms

are more

attractive

Replace the word

attracted

show examples

Change preposition

show examples

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

Use synonyms

smartphone

Fix the agreement mistake

smartphones

show examples

. The

children

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don't know what is

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

right or wrong.

this

Linking Words

reason spend

everyday

Rephrase

apply

show examples

a lot of

time

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spend. I think it is negative for development.

Body paragraph 1

The

children

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using

Use synonyms

smartphone

Fix the agreement mistake

smartphones

show examples

Use synonyms

effect

Correct your spelling

affect

show examples

their

body

Fix the agreement mistake

bodies

show examples

To begin

Linking Words

with, the

Use synonyms

children

Change noun form

children's

show examples

mind is fresh.

This

Linking Words

time

Use synonyms

children

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using

Wrong verb form

use of

show examples

phone

Fix the agreement mistake

phones

show examples

that

time

Use synonyms

effect

Correct your spelling

affects

show examples

Their

mind

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minds

show examples

children

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their

life

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which is wrong and which is right they are not found. most of the

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Children

Change noun form

Children's

show examples

Use synonyms

Life

Fix the agreement mistake

Lives

show examples

attract is

Verb problem

are occupied by

show examples

playing and without

study

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. that mobile

Unnecessary verb

apply

show examples

most

Use synonyms

effect

Correct your spelling

affects

show examples

the

study

Use synonyms

Linking Words

also

Correct word choice

and also

show examples

there

Replace the word

their

show examples

body.

however

Linking Words

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

Use synonyms

smartphone

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smartphones

show examples

are available

game

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for game

show examples

feature

Fix the agreement mistake

features

show examples

and

others browser

Fix the agreement mistake

other browsers

show examples

. the

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children

Change noun form

children's

show examples

life

Use synonyms

without

Correct pronoun usage

their parents

show examples

parents

Change noun form

parents'

parent's

show examples

guide

Replace the word

guidance

show examples

in the future are very

disappointed

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disappointing

show examples

Body paragraph 2

on the other hand

Linking Words

, some of

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time

Add an article

the time

show examples

using mobile phone help

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

children

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. like,

study

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topic

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topics

show examples

but with

friends

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friends'

friend's

show examples

guide

Replace the word

guidance

show examples

Linking Words

otherwise

Add a comma

otherwise,

show examples

children

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goes

Change the verb form

show examples

to other Browser.

nowadays

Capitalize word

Nowadays

show examples

social platform

are

Change the verb form

show examples

available

Use synonyms

study

Add the particle

to study

show examples

topi

Correct your spelling

topic

show examples

. The

children

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are

Unnecessary verb

apply

show examples

easily gained they are

knowledg

Correct your spelling

knowledge

. the

children

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with parents guide mobile using their

study

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life

Use synonyms

hel.

however

Linking Words

, I argue without

parents

Change noun form

parents'

parent's

show examples

guideline

Fix the agreement mistake

guidelines

show examples

children

Use synonyms

study

Use synonyms

effect

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mostly.

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

children

Use synonyms

using

Use synonyms

smartphone

Fix the agreement mistake

smartphones

show examples

reason not attractive

their

Change preposition

to their

show examples

Use synonyms

study

Fix the agreement mistake

studies

show examples

Conclusion

In conclusion,

although

Linking Words

Use synonyms

smartphone using

Add a hyphen

smartphone-using

show examples

children

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help they are

study

Use synonyms

but

Remove the conjunction

apply

show examples

I think

smartphone

Use synonyms

reason they are without guidelines

Use synonyms

effect

Correct your spelling

affects

show examples

they are body and

study

Use synonyms

suhanimtiaz

Dec 14, 2023

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Introduction & Conclusion

The essay lacks a clear introduction and conclusion. Be sure to begin with an introductory paragraph that outlines the topic and your standpoint, and end with a clear conclusion summarizing your main points and opinion.

Grammar & Vocabulary

There are significant issues with grammar, vocabulary, and sentence structure that hinder the communication of ideas. Consider revising your essay with a focus on grammatical accuracy and clarity of expression.

Paragraph Structure

The organization of the essay is unclear and ideas are not logically sequenced. Work on creating well-structured paragraphs, each containing one main idea supported by examples or explanations.

Supporting Ideas

Develop your points more fully. Rather than simply stating an idea, explain how and why it's important, and support each point with clear and relevant examples. This will strengthen your argument and improve task achievement.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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7
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
6
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
53
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

<4

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 4.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 4.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

213 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

smartphones
usage
technology
accessibility
convenience
entertainment
gaming
social media
communication
educational resources
addiction
dependence
negative effects
physical health
mental health

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some children spent hours everyday on their smartphones. why is this the case? do you think this is a positive or negative development?

A large number of young people cannot find a job when they leave university. What problems will youth unemployment cause for individuals and for society? What measures should take to reduce unemployment?

Many believe that living in a city offers greater benefits compared to life in the countryside. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Several people assert that the main cause of crime is an economically disadvantaged background. However, other say that crime is caused by a person's nature. Discuss both ideas and give your own opinion.

Some people think that studying in groups is the best way to learn. others believe that studying on their own is better. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

Charities and organizations always give special names to particular days such as 'National Children's Day' and 'National Non-smoking Day'. What are the causes of these particular days? How effective are they?