some children spent hours everyday on their smartphones. why is this the case? do you think this is a positive or negative development?

nowadays
children
are more
attractive
Replace the word
attracted
show examples
of
Change preposition
to
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
smartphone
Fix the agreement mistake
smartphones
show examples
. The
children
don't know what is
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
right or wrong.
this
reason spend
everyday
Rephrase
apply
show examples
a lot of
time
spend. I think it is negative for development. The
children
using
smartphone
Fix the agreement mistake
smartphones
show examples
effect
Correct your spelling
affect
show examples
their
body
Fix the agreement mistake
bodies
show examples
.
To begin
with, the
children
Change noun form
children's
show examples
mind is fresh.
This
time
children
using
Wrong verb form
use of
show examples
phone
Fix the agreement mistake
phones
show examples
that
time
effect
Correct your spelling
affects
show examples
Their
mind
Fix the agreement mistake
minds
show examples
.
children
their
life
which is wrong and which is right they are not found. most of the
Children
Change noun form
Children's
show examples
Life
Fix the agreement mistake
Lives
show examples
attract is
Verb problem
are occupied by
show examples
playing and without
study
. that mobile
is
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
most
effect
Correct your spelling
affects
show examples
the
study
also
Correct word choice
and also
show examples
there
Replace the word
their
show examples
body.
however
,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
smartphone
Change the noun form
smartphones
show examples
are available
game
Change preposition
for game
show examples
feature
Fix the agreement mistake
features
show examples
and
others browser
Fix the agreement mistake
other browsers
show examples
. the
children
Change noun form
children's
show examples
life
without
Correct pronoun usage
their parents
show examples
parents
Change noun form
parents'
parent's
show examples
guide
Replace the word
guidance
show examples
in the future are very
disappointed
Replace the word
disappointing
show examples
.
on the other hand
, some of
time
Add an article
the time
show examples
using mobile phone help
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
children
. like,
study
related
topic
Fix the agreement mistake
topics
show examples
but with
friends
Change noun form
friends'
friend's
show examples
guide
Replace the word
guidance
show examples
.
otherwise
Add a comma
otherwise,
show examples
children
goes
Change the verb form
go
show examples
to other Browser.
nowadays
Capitalize word
Nowadays
show examples
social platform
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
available
study
Add the particle
to study
show examples
related
topi
Correct your spelling
topic
show examples
. The
children
are
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
easily gained they are
knowledg
Correct your spelling
knowledge
. the
children
with parents guide mobile using their
study
life
hel.
however
, I argue without
parents
Change noun form
parents'
parent's
show examples
guideline
Fix the agreement mistake
guidelines
show examples
children
study
effect
mostly.
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
children
using
smartphone
Fix the agreement mistake
smartphones
show examples
reason not attractive
their
Change preposition
to their
show examples
study
Fix the agreement mistake
studies
show examples
. In conclusion,
although
,
smartphone using
Add a hyphen
smartphone-using
show examples
children
help they are
study
but
Remove the conjunction
apply
show examples
I think
smartphone
reason they are without guidelines
effect
Correct your spelling
affects
show examples
they are body and
study
.
Submitted by suhanimtiaz on

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Introduction & Conclusion
The essay lacks a clear introduction and conclusion. Be sure to begin with an introductory paragraph that outlines the topic and your standpoint, and end with a clear conclusion summarizing your main points and opinion.
Grammar & Vocabulary
There are significant issues with grammar, vocabulary, and sentence structure that hinder the communication of ideas. Consider revising your essay with a focus on grammatical accuracy and clarity of expression.
Paragraph Structure
The organization of the essay is unclear and ideas are not logically sequenced. Work on creating well-structured paragraphs, each containing one main idea supported by examples or explanations.
Supporting Ideas
Develop your points more fully. Rather than simply stating an idea, explain how and why it's important, and support each point with clear and relevant examples. This will strengthen your argument and improve task achievement.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • smartphones
  • usage
  • technology
  • accessibility
  • convenience
  • entertainment
  • gaming
  • social media
  • communication
  • educational resources
  • addiction
  • dependence
  • negative effects
  • physical health
  • mental health
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