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Writing Samples
Band 6

Many people today find they have insufficient time to spend with their families, because of pressures of work. What problems does this create for individuals and their families? What solutions can you propose? Which would be the most effective solution, in your view?

#people #time #families #pressures #work #create #individuals
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Excessive
time
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 spent at work can ultimately take a serious toll on
workers
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 and their families in various ways. We will discuss the most serious problems arising, and
also
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 two ways in which the situation can be improved. Arguably the gravest problem caused by overwork is the stress that the
workers
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 themselves suffer from. When a person is working long hours, and thinking about work even outside that
time
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, the ability to relax is severely curtailed.
This
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 can rapidly lead to physical exhaustion and mental anxiety, which eventually undermine the victim's
overall
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wellbeing
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well-being
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. A
further
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 serious impact is the disruption to family relationships, especially with a spouse and children. Family members may soon become accustomed to the absence of a father or mother, damaging the natural bonds which bind a family together and potentially eroding the security of the family unit itself. The
long term
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long-term
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 consequent problems of family breakdown may include depression, poor self-esteem and academic underperformance. To counteract these dangers, perhaps the most effective and most immediate solution would be for employers to incorporate a fixed amount of free
time
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 into their
workers
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' schedules.
For example
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, companies might commit to a 'no work, phone calls or emails after five pm' policy, as is being suggested in Germany at present.
This
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 would lessen the anxiety of high workloads and preserve family
time
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. Another remedy may be to promote the use of relaxation techniques among
workers
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,
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apply
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 so that they make the most of the free
time
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 that they have. Activities ranging from
sport
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sports
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 to yoga or family events can be used to maximise any opportunities for de-stressing that already exist. In conclusion, the main problems seem to be stress and potential family breakdown. The key solution would be the formal protection of leisure
time
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,
together with
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 better use of it by
workers
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 themselves.
Submitted by meshari.alenezi97 on

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task achievement
Your essay addresses all parts of the task, providing a comprehensive response to the issues of overwork adversely affecting both individuals and families. However, providing more specific and varied examples would strengthen your argument further.
coherence cohesion
The logical structure of your essay is generally effective, but improving the transitions between paragraphs and within your ideas could enhance the overall flow. This will help to guide the reader more seamlessly through your points.
task achievement
Consider elaborating slightly more on the proposed solutions, providing additional detail and potential examples of companies or policies that have successfully implemented these measures.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are clearly present, effectively setting the context and summarizing your argument.
task achievement
The main points of your essay are well-supported and clearly articulated. You effectively identify and elaborate on the primary problems related to overwork and provide feasible solutions.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • 1. **Flexible working hours**: Work schedules that allow employees to vary their arrival and departure times.
  • 2. **Remote working**: Working from a location other than the traditional office, usually from home.
  • 3. **Work-life balance**: The equilibrium between personal life and career work.
  • 4. **Mental health**: A person’s condition with regard to their psychological and emotional well-being.
  • 5. **Paid family leave**: Time off work with pay granted to employees to take care of family members.
  • 6. **Time management**: The process of planning and exercising conscious control of time spent on specific activities.
  • 7. **Prioritize**: To arrange or deal with in order of importance.
  • 8. **Guilt**: A feeling of having done wrong or failed in an obligation.
  • 9. **Neglected**: Suffering a lack of proper care.
  • 10. **Behavioral issues**: Actions and mannerisms exhibited by individuals, often resulting from stress or emotional instability.
  • 11. **Support systems**: Networks of people who provide an individual with practical or emotional support.
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