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Band 4

Despite a large number of gyms , salandry lifestyle is still gaining popularity, What problem cause by this,

#gyms #salandry #lifestyle #popularity
Unrefutably , health plays an imperative role in
every one's
Replace the word
everyone's
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life's
Change noun form
life
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,since if a person
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
healthy
Add an article
a healthy
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body
 , that
body
are
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is
show examples
 free from any
decease
Correct your spelling
disease
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 or illness ;
however
 , in some
cases
Add a comma
cases,
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 people prefer to live in
salandary
Correct your spelling
standard
 life
instead
 going to gyms and other fitness clubs ,
therefore
this
essy
Correct your spelling
essay
 will discuss the causes and problems from
this
 concept , To start with , plenty of aspects are there to sustain my viewpoint, the primary perspective is the busy lifestyle of
individual
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the individual
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 in
this
 contemporary era , in brief people of the modern world have
number
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a number
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 of responsibilities ,they do jobs and run their business , many people leave
there
Replace the word
their
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 job on late time and
hence
 they cannot have enough time to do physical exercise,
in addition
number
Add an article
a number
the number
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 of persons do jobs
such
 as teacher or driving, that can lead to
salandary
Correct your spelling
secondary
 lifestyle owing to brain fatigue,
Secondary
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The secondary
A secondary
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 miracle is that
,
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apply
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owing to the advent of
internet
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the internet
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, youngsters use
lot
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a lot
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 of mobile
phone
Change to a plural noun
phones
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 and do numerous activities like scrolling reels on Instagram, using Snapchat and watching movies on YouTube, Netflix and other platforms, and waste their precious time ,
moreover
 , children like to play video games
instead
 of outdoor activities, and that the reason behind the upsurging of
this
 trend ,
This
 concept
contain
Change the verb form
contains
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 a plethora of drawbacks ,
firstly
 , without any physical exercise human
body
 feel
lazyness
Correct your spelling
laziness
 and tired on
whole
Add an article
the whole
show examples
 day,
Correct word choice
and they
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they
Correct word choice
and they
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cannot
Verb problem
do not
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 want to do any physical work,
furthermore
 ,
Correct article usage
a number
show examples
number
Correct article usage
a number
show examples
 of shows their effect on
Correct determiner usage
the
show examples
that
Correct determiner usage
the
show examples
body
such
 as cancer , malaria or fever, that can
be control
Change the verb form
be controlled
show examples
 by going gyms and doing exercises,
To conclude
,
after
this
 discussion, it is necessary for every person to go for
gyn
Correct article usage
a gyn
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for getting
Change preposition
to get
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healthy
Add an article
a healthy
show examples
body
 , to survive in
this
cut throat
Add a hyphen
cut-throat
show examples
compatetive
Correct your spelling
competitive
 world ,
Submitted by pthind321 on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure that your essay has a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. Each paragraph should have a central idea and supporting details.
coherence cohesion
Develop logical connections between your ideas and use transition words to help the reader follow your arguments.
coherence cohesion
Always proofread your work for grammatical accuracy and use a range of sentence structures to demonstrate language proficiency.
task achievement
Address all parts of the task and make sure your response is directly related to the question asked.
task achievement
Use specific examples to support your points effectively, ensuring they are directly relevant to the topic.
task achievement
Your ideas should be clear and easy to understand. Work on organizing your essay so that each paragraph expands upon a single main idea.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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