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Band 4

Model Answer: More companies produce goods in the factories located in different countries other than the location of the head office. Advantages and disadvantages?

#model #companies #goods #factories #countries #location #head #office
Due to
 developmental equity as a part of
worldwide
Correct article usage
a worldwide
show examples
 program, many
companies
builds
Change the verb form
build
show examples
 their manufactures in third
nations
,
while
 their headquarters are in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
developed
countries
.
However
,
this
 program has some advantages and disadvantages, not only
developing
Change preposition
in developing
show examples
countries
 but
also
developed
Change preposition
in developed
show examples
nations
. I
wil
Correct your spelling
will
 explain the pros and cons in the next following paragraphs.
To begin
 with, there are a lot of big
companies
builds
Wrong verb form
building
show examples
 their factories in different
countries
. Mostly, they want to reduce the salary of
labours
Correct your spelling
labourers
show examples
. Many developing
countries
 have a bad policy for their citizens who work as a labourer than people who live in developed
countries
. Because of
this
, big
companies
 prefer
located
Change the verb form
to locate
show examples
 their factories in third
nations
. Indeed,
this
 idea brings various adverse effects for labourers. As I
mention
Change the form of the verb
mentioned
show examples
 before, they will earn less income than they should.
In addition
, some factories have a lower standard of buildings.
For example
, in 2015, there was an accident in India where the building was
collapse
Wrong verb form
collapsed
show examples
 and many of them
was
Change the verb form
were
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 dead because of
this
traged
Correct your spelling
tragedy
. In spite of taking responsibility, the company seemed
close
Fix the infinitive
to close
show examples
 their eyes.
Nevertheless
, the employees will obtain the disadvantages,
while
 the employers will acquire profits. In
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
contrast,
this
 idea
also
brings
Verb problem
has
show examples
 a positive impact
for
Change preposition
on
show examples
 individuals who settle in developing
countries
.
Firstly
, it will increase their
countries
' GDP
annualy
Correct your spelling
annually
.
Secondly
, it will open many job opportunities. As I know, most of their workers
is
Change the verb form
are
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 women who have a child. Of course, these women have an opportunity to employ and support their
family
Fix the agreement mistake
families
show examples
. In
conlusion
Correct your spelling
conclusion
, there are many advantages and disadvantages related to building a factory in other
countries
, especially third
nations
. Most of
advantages
Add an article
the advantages
show examples
gains
Wrong verb form
gained
show examples
 by
companies
 than workers.
However
, the important thing is
companies
 have to consider the worker's well-being than profits.
Submitted by heidynilasari02 on

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task achievement
Be sure to address the task directly and consistently, focusing on answering the question with clear main points and fully developed arguments.
coherence cohesion
It's crucial to organize ideas logically, ensuring that paragraphs are well-structured with clear topic sentences and supporting details.
coherence cohesion
Predominantly use a range of cohesive devices appropriately. However, ensure that they do not distract from the clarity of the argument.
task achievement
Provide a balanced analysis of the advantages and disadvantages by offering clear examples that truly illustrate the points and contribute to the reader's understanding of the topic.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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