Numerous animal species worldwide are currently facing extinction. Some argue that countries and individuals should prioritize protecting these animals, while others believe resources should be focused more on human issues. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.
It has been widely discussed
about
whether societies should pay more attention Remove the preposition
apply
on
protecting rare Change preposition
to
animals
. While
some people think the money ought to be used on the aspects involved with humanity, I hold the opinion that we should using
resources to protect nearly Change the verb form
use
be using
extincted
Correct your spelling
extinct
species
first.
Some individuals support the perspective that human issues should be prior to animals
,
since these wildlife Remove the comma
apply
animals
affect little to our daily life. To be more specific, we only live in a small part of the urban area, and some of us will not see wild animals
in the
entire life. Change the word
our
Thus
, it seems useless to spend resources to help endangered animals
which are irrelative
to Replace the word
irrelevant
human's
life. Change noun form
human
However
, if the earth witnesses a great loss of animal species
, it will be
harm Unnecessary verb
apply
to
the diversity of Change preposition
apply
species
. Eventually, this
result will impair the balance of the wildlife, and further
contribute to a natural disaster.
On the other hand
, it is not the earth that designed
only for human beings. Add a missing verb
is designed
Instead
, it is a place that
all Correct word choice
where
species
should gain the equal privilege to live happily. As people have taken up the majority of living space in the world, governments and individuals must spare more efforts to making
make up for the problems that we may lead to. Taking the Chinese government Verb problem
apply
for example
, in the past decades, residents cut down the
trees and built a number of new buildings in the rural area of Sichuan province, where it is the home of pandas. Correct article usage
apply
Consequently
, pandas were facing the danger of extinction due to
the disappearance of their food, bamboo and their habitats. Rather than ignoring this
phenomenon, Chinese
government made a lot of efforts (tried their best) to resolve Add an article
the Chinese
this
situation, including building nature reserves and breeding panda babies in the zoo to expand the population. Nowadays, panda
is not a rare Add an article
the panda
a panda
species
anymore, and they earn the
Correct article usage
apply
favor
worldwide.
In conclusion, I believe that we should emphasize the importance of protecting Change the spelling
favour
species
and distribute more resources to them.Submitted by z0e87y on
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Introduction & Conclusion
Ensure the introduction provides a clear background on the topic and clearly states your thesis. The conclusion should effectively summarize the main points and restate your opinion.
Logical Structure
Work on creating more fluid transitions between ideas and paragraphs. This will strengthen the connectivity of your argument throughout the essay.
Supporting Examples
Support your main points with more detailed and varied examples. This will help clarify your arguments and add depth to your discussion.
Task Response
Fully address all parts of the task, ensuring that you discuss both views and your own opinion with a balanced approach.
Idea Clarity & Expansion
Aim to deliver your ideas more clearly, with each paragraph containing one main idea that is expanded upon cohesively.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.
Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.
When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.
Linking words for giving examples:
- for example
- for instance
- to illustrate this
- to give a clear example
- such as
- namely
- to illustrate
- take, for example