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Band 3.5

International travel has many advantages to both travellers and the country that they visited. Do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?

#travel #travellers #country
In
this
 day and age, international
travel
 is popular and developing.
However
, it has plenty of
advantages
 and harms. I believe that
advantages
Correct article usage
the advantages
show examples
 outweigh the
advantages
 for both
Correct article usage
the traveller
show examples
traveller
Fix the agreement mistake
travellers
show examples
 and the
country
 that they
visit
.
This
 essay will classify
this
 problem. On the one hand,
traveling
Change the spelling
travelling
show examples
 abroad brings two main benefits for
people
 and the countries they choose to
visit
. For
people
, they could have a relaxed time in the
country
 they like. tourists could try new food, interesting activities, and festival games.
people
 will meet new friends and increase their knowledge and experience about the new
country
.
In addition
, for the
country
people
visit
, there will be more job opportunities. The more
people
visit
, the more a
country
 develops in terms of tourism. More
people
 lead to more demand for food,
accommodation
Correct word choice
and accommodation
show examples
 from that
lead
Correct subject-verb agreement
leads
show examples
 to
reduce
Wrong verb form
reduced
show examples
 present unemployment
people
.
On the other hand
, international
travel
also
 leads to one main harm for the
country
: its pollution. It is very difficult to control The amount of waste when various tourists
visit
 the
country
.
Therefore
, the population environment became a serious problem there. Environmental pollution destroys nature and harms human health. In summary, international
travel
 has both
advantages
 and disadvantages.
However
, it brings more benefit for
people
 and the countries they go to than harm.
Travel
 development helps solve job problems and
help
Correct subject-verb agreement
helps
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
tourists have a good time.
However
, The downside is that the environment is in danger.
Submitted by teachingqa272 on

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Task Achievement
Introduction states the topic but lacks an explicit thesis statement making your position clear. Ensure your introduction clearly states your position regarding whether advantages outweigh disadvantages.
Task Achievement
More detailed development of ideas with relevant examples is needed. Address both sides of the argument in depth with specific and relevant examples to support your points.
Coherence and Cohesion
Use a range of linking words and phrases to connect ideas and paragraphs, and to create a clear progression in your argument.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ensure your essay has a clear logical structure: an introduction, body paragraphs that explore each separate idea, and a conclusion that summarises your argument.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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