IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Many people say that teenagers should concentrate on all school subjects equally. Others, however, believe that students should spend more time on subjects they like, or are good at. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

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No one can deny that education serves a great purpose in life.
However
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, an argument is rising among the public on whether students should concentrate on all
subjects
Use synonyms
 or only on their favourite topic.In the following paragraph, I will discuss both sides of
this
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 issue and provide my own opinion
along with
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 a conclusion.
To begin
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 with, many parents support
this
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 trend which is a child should focus on all academic
subjects
Use synonyms
 equally in school.Many adults believe
this
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 will help the young
one
Correct pronoun usage
ones
show examples
 to have more options in their future
career
Fix the agreement mistake
careers
show examples
.
Moreover
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, I believe youngsters can often have a change of heart in the following years, with various academic options not only help an individual to gain more knowledge and strength but
also
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 to ensure a great choice of future career.
For instance
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,
a teenagers
Correct the article-noun agreement
teenagers
a teenager
show examples
 will gain more confidence levels to explore their skills by learning
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
multiple
subject
Change to a plural noun
subjects
show examples
 in an institution
and
Correct word choice
which
show examples
 may become useful later in life.
On the other hand
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, it is not wrong to spend more time on the
subjects
Use synonyms
 that they like.
For example
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, a youth who is interested in art can focus more on studying art courses to improve their skills which can lead to higher levels of achievement and satisfaction.
Nevertheless
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,
this
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 should be noted because
this
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 can upgrade a person's skills and give them more job opportunities compared to someone who only concentrates on the traditional education system. In conclusion, how people decide to study depends on their choices.
However
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,I strongly believe that
offsprings
Fix the agreement mistake
offspring
show examples
 should focus on all educational
subjects
Use synonyms
 to ensure more brighter future and
well-rounded
Correct article usage
a well-rounded
show examples
 education level
as a result
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 helps an individual to develop a deeper expertise and passion for it.

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coherence cohesion
The essay demonstrates a clear structure, but it lacks a smooth flow of ideas between paragraphs. Work on connecting ideas more effectively for better coherence.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are present, but could be enhanced by clearly stating the essay's thesis and summarizing the main points more concisely in the conclusion.
coherence cohesion
You've supported the main points, but ensure that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence and that supporting sentences directly relate back to the main point.
task achievement
Your response addresses the task, however, instead of merely stating the two views and your opinion, explore them more deeply by providing more detailed explanations and arguments.
task achievement
The ideas presented are relevant, but there is room for more comprehensive development. Next time try to dive deeper into the subject matter.
task achievement
You have used some examples to support your points, but to improve, include a variety of relevant and specific examples that are directly linked to the points you are making.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Well-rounded education
  • Formative years
  • Versatile skill sets
  • Premature specialization
  • Holistic development
  • Standardized tests
  • Deeper expertise
  • Academic options
  • Personalized learning
  • Foundational level
  • Motivating
  • Engagement
  • Career success
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