Many people say that teenagers should concentrate on all school subjects equally. Others, however, believe that students should spend more time on subjects they like, or are good at. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.
No one can deny that education serves a great purpose in life.
However
, an argument is rising among the public on whether students should concentrate on all subjects
or only on their favourite topic.In the following paragraph, I will discuss both sides of this
issue and provide my own opinion along with
a conclusion.
To begin
with, many parents support this
trend which is a child should focus on all academic subjects
equally in school.Many adults believe this
will help the young one
to have more options in their future Correct pronoun usage
ones
career
.Fix the agreement mistake
careers
Moreover
, I believe youngsters can often have a change of heart in the following years, with various academic options not only help an individual to gain more knowledge and strength but also
to ensure a great choice of future career.For instance
,a teenagers
will gain more confidence levels to explore their skills by learning Correct the article-noun agreement
teenagers
a teenager
a
multiple Correct article usage
apply
subject
in an institution Change to a plural noun
subjects
and
may become useful later in life.
Correct word choice
which
On the other hand
, it is not wrong to spend more time on the subjects
that they like.For example
, a youth who is interested in art can focus more on studying art courses to improve their skills which can lead to higher levels of achievement and satisfaction.Nevertheless
, this
should be noted because this
can upgrade a person's skills and give them more job opportunities compared to someone who only concentrates on the traditional education system.
In conclusion, how people decide to study depends on their choices. However
,I strongly believe that offsprings
should focus on all educational Fix the agreement mistake
offspring
subjects
to ensure more brighter future and well-rounded
education level Correct article usage
a well-rounded
as a result
helps an individual to develop a deeper expertise and passion for it.Submitted by tifjong on
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coherence cohesion
The essay demonstrates a clear structure, but it lacks a smooth flow of ideas between paragraphs. Work on connecting ideas more effectively for better coherence.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are present, but could be enhanced by clearly stating the essay's thesis and summarizing the main points more concisely in the conclusion.
coherence cohesion
You've supported the main points, but ensure that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence and that supporting sentences directly relate back to the main point.
task achievement
Your response addresses the task, however, instead of merely stating the two views and your opinion, explore them more deeply by providing more detailed explanations and arguments.
task achievement
The ideas presented are relevant, but there is room for more comprehensive development. Next time try to dive deeper into the subject matter.
task achievement
You have used some examples to support your points, but to improve, include a variety of relevant and specific examples that are directly linked to the points you are making.