Some people believe that studying at university or college is the best route to a successful career. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement ? Write an essay

#people #university #college #route #career

Nowadays, studying at

university

or college

are

Change the verb form

show examples

increasingly

Change the word

increasing

show examples

so some people believe that it is the best way to become successful in the future. From my point of view, I totally agree with

this

view. One benefit of studying higher

education

is that people get more qualifications after graduation. When they learn at

university

, they have the opportunity to learn a lot of different areas.

However

, if they do not have qualifications, they will not have many chances to apply for big companies.

Therefore

, studying at

university

will help them receive a lot of qualifications or certificates so they will have more job opportunities and get a high income.

For example

, when people graduate from

university

with a major in English

teacher

Replace the word

teaching

show examples

Correct word choice

apply

show examples

they will have

opportunity

Correct article usage

the opportunity

show examples

to be accepted by schools to teach. Another benefit is that higher

education

will create many opportunities for students to expand relationships,

connect

Correct word choice

and connect

show examples

with colleagues and professors or experts in their specialized fields. They will have a dynamic and creative environment to practice and learn effectively.

For example

, when they intern at large corporations and companies, they give them the opportunity to access specialized fields to gain experience and expand relationships.

As a result

, college graduates have an advantage in today's competitive job market.

On the other hand

, career success must rely on luck and accumulating experience in life.

However

, higher

education

not only imparts specialized knowledge but

also

supports personal development and the acquisition of necessary skills. They learn how to think to solve problems, manage time and work effectively in groups. These skills are more widely applicable and highly valued in today's employment landscape.

In addition

, instructors will teach new knowledge to help them become more confident when they have difficult situations. In conclusion, I still strongly believe that higher

education

is the best path to career success.

Submitted by nguyennhitm9118 on Thu Dec 14 2023

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Task Achievement

Your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, but the introduction could be more engaging by paraphrasing the topic statement and stating your position more clearly. Make sure your conclusion effectively summarizes the main points discussed.

Coherence & Cohesion

While your essay maintains a logical flow of ideas, it's crucial to enhance the logical structure by using a wider range of cohesive devices and paragraphing techniques. Ensure each paragraph has a clear central idea and is organized cohesively.

Task Achievement

Ensure that all main points are developed with clear, specific examples. Avoid general statements and focus on providing solid evidence to back up your points. Refer to studies, statistical data, real-life examples, or personal experiences to add weight to your argument.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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8Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
6Grammar mistakes
 

5 paragraphs

307 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 5.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 5.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Some people believe that studying at university or college is the best route to a successful career. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement ? Write an essay

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Some people believe that technology has made man more social. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion? Write at least 250 words

University students should be required to attend classes. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this idea?

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In many places, new homes are needed, but the only space available for building them is in the countryside. Some people believe it is more important to protect the countryside and not build new homes there. What is your opinion about this?

Some people think that men and women have different qualities, therefore certain jobs are suitable for men and others for women. To what extent do you agree or disagree ?