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Some people believe that studying at university or college is the best route to a successful career. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement ? Write an essay

#people #university #college #route #career
Nowadays, studying at
university
 or college
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
increasingly
Change the word
increasing
show examples
 so some people believe that it is the best way to become successful in the future. From my point of view, I totally agree with
this
 view. One benefit of studying higher
education
 is that people get more qualifications after graduation. When they learn at
university
, they have the opportunity to learn a lot of different areas.
However
, if they do not have qualifications, they will not have many chances to apply for big companies.
Therefore
, studying at
university
 will help them receive a lot of qualifications or certificates so they will have more job opportunities and get a high income.
For example
, when people graduate from
university
 with a major in English
teacher
Replace the word
teaching
show examples
so
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
they will have
opportunity
Correct article usage
the opportunity
show examples
 to be accepted by schools to teach. Another benefit is that higher
education
 will create many opportunities for students to expand relationships,
connect
Correct word choice
and connect
show examples
 with colleagues and professors or experts in their specialized fields. They will have a dynamic and creative environment to practice and learn effectively.
For example
, when they intern at large corporations and companies, they give them the opportunity to access specialized fields to gain experience and expand relationships.
As a result
, college graduates have an advantage in today's competitive job market.
On the other hand
, career success must rely on luck and accumulating experience in life.
However
, higher
education
 not only imparts specialized knowledge but
also
 supports personal development and the acquisition of necessary skills. They learn how to think to solve problems, manage time and work effectively in groups. These skills are more widely applicable and highly valued in today's employment landscape.
In addition
, instructors will teach new knowledge to help them become more confident when they have difficult situations. In conclusion, I still strongly believe that higher
education
 is the best path to career success.
Submitted by nguyennhitm9118 on

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Task Achievement
Your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, but the introduction could be more engaging by paraphrasing the topic statement and stating your position more clearly. Make sure your conclusion effectively summarizes the main points discussed.
Coherence & Cohesion
While your essay maintains a logical flow of ideas, it's crucial to enhance the logical structure by using a wider range of cohesive devices and paragraphing techniques. Ensure each paragraph has a clear central idea and is organized cohesively.
Task Achievement
Ensure that all main points are developed with clear, specific examples. Avoid general statements and focus on providing solid evidence to back up your points. Refer to studies, statistical data, real-life examples, or personal experiences to add weight to your argument.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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