IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

The government should allocate more funds to teaching science rather than other subjects for a country to develop and progress. To what extent do you agree?

#government #funds #science #subjects #country #progress
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In today’s rapidly evolving world, many believe that the government should prioritize funding for
science
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education
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 over other
subjects
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 to ensure national progress.
While
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science
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 undeniably plays a vital role in technological advancement and economic growth, I argue that focusing solely on
science
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 would overlook the importance of a well-rounded
education
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.
Science
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, technology, engineering, and mathematics (STEM) are critical in driving innovation, solving global problems, and maintaining a competitive edge in various industries.
For instance
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, advancements in healthcare, renewable energy, and communication technologies largely depend on a strong foundation in scientific research and
education
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. By allocating more funds to teaching
science
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, governments can cultivate a skilled workforce capable of addressing modern challenges, which in turn can boost the economy.
However
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, neglecting other
subjects
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such
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 as the arts, humanities, and social sciences would be detrimental. These fields foster creativity, critical thinking, and cultural understanding, all of which are essential for holistic national development.
For example
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, literature and history help citizens understand their identity,
while
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subjects
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 like economics and law contribute to informed decision-making in policy and governance.
Moreover
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, creative industries like design, entertainment, and marketing are significant contributors to a country’s economy and cultural influence. In conclusion,
while
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 investing in
science
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education
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 is crucial for a country's development, it should not come at the expense of other
subjects
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. A balanced
education
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 system that supports both scientific and non-scientific fields is essential for sustainable progress and the
overall
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 well-being of society.
Therefore
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, a more holistic approach to funding
education
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 is necessary.
Submitted by almansouradel1 on

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task achievement
You have presented a very balanced and clear argument. Make sure to always explain how your examples and points relate back to the prompt for maximum clarity.
task achievement
Consider expanding on some points slightly to add depth to your argument. For instance, touching on how interdisciplinary education can further benefit national development could add an extra dimension to your essay.
coherence cohesion
Your essay is well-organized with a clear introduction, body, and conclusion. Ensure that every paragraph transitions smoothly to the next to maintain coherence throughout.
coherence cohesion
The introduction clearly sets up the essay's argument, and the conclusion effectively summarizes the main points.
coherence cohesion
Logical structure is clearly followed, with each paragraph addressing distinct points that collectively support the thesis.
task achievement
Strong, clear ideas that are comprehensive and tackle both sides of the argument effectively.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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