Some people think that it is more beneficial to take part in sports which are played in teams, like football. While other people think that taking part in individual sports is better, like tennis or swimming. Discuss both views and give your own opinion. 29. (20/01/2018) Research shows that business meetings, discussions and training are happening online nowadays. Do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?

It is true that playing
sports
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
becoming a
commin
Correct your spelling
common
activity of healthy lifestyles.
People
can engage in
sports
which are played in teams or they can take
apart
Correct your spelling
part
show examples
in individual
sports
like tennis and swimming . in my opinion, playing
team
sports
can bring more benefits. There are several reasons why
people
might argue that playing
sports
by yourself is better.
Firstly
,
people
play
Wrong verb form
playing
show examples
this
kind of sport will encourage independent learning and
problem solving
Add a hyphen
problem-solving
show examples
. They have to be stronger to overcome
difficultly
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difficulties
show examples
by
Change preposition
on
show examples
your
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
own.
Secondly
, having helped
people
to improve their mental toughness.
This
can be explained by the fact that player understand their
succeed
Replace the word
success
show examples
completely depends on their own effect. So they have to be more
self-discipline
Replace the word
self-disciplined
show examples
to achieve their goals. In spite of
these argument
Change the determiner
this argument
these arguments
show examples
, I believe that playing in
team
sports
will help
people
develop important
skill
Fix the agreement mistake
skills
show examples
in their life.
Firstly
,
this
kind of sport creates a connection between participants. When they spend most of their time to practice together, they will be more
closed
Replace the word
close
show examples
with
teammate
Fix the agreement mistake
teammates
show examples
.
This
thing will develop their bond.
Additionally
,
people
who
played
Wrong verb form
play
show examples
in
team
Fix the agreement mistake
teams
show examples
are likely to have a better social life. They work together and try to achieve mutual goals.
This
can improve different skills like working group and leadership In conclusion , I believe that engaging in
team
sports
help
Correct subject-verb agreement
helps
show examples
you develop in the future.
Submitted by hanhphuc08122006 on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure logical structure by organizing ideas into clear paragraphs with topic sentences. Use linking words to improve flow.
coherence cohesion
Introduction and conclusion are weak. Both should clearly present the main points and your opinion in the conclusion for a strong essay.
coherence cohesion
Expand and support main points with specific examples and explanations to give depth to your arguments.
task achievement
Address all parts of the task by discussing both views equally and give a clear opinion in the introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion.
task achievement
Develop clear and comprehensive ideas with better explanation and elaboration to enhance reader understanding.
task achievement
Use relevant and specific examples to support your points and explain how they are connected to the argument.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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