Some people think that it is more beneficial to take part in sports which are played in teams, like football. While other people think that taking part in individual sports is better, like tennis or swimming. Discuss both views and give your own opinion. 29. (20/01/2018) Research shows that business meetings, discussions and training are happening online nowadays. Do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?

#people #part #sports #teams #football #tennis #research #business #meetings #discussions

It is true that playing

sports

are

Change the verb form

show examples

becoming a

commin

Correct your spelling

common

activity of healthy lifestyles.

People

can engage in

sports

which are played in teams or they can take

apart

Correct your spelling

part

show examples

in individual

sports

like tennis and swimming . in my opinion, playing

team

sports

can bring more benefits. There are several reasons why

people

might argue that playing

sports

by yourself is better.

Firstly

people

play

Wrong verb form

playing

show examples

this

kind of sport will encourage independent learning and

problem solving

Add a hyphen

problem-solving

show examples

. They have to be stronger to overcome

difficultly

Replace the word

difficulties

show examples

Change preposition

show examples

your

Correct pronoun usage

their

show examples

own.

Secondly

, having helped

people

to improve their mental toughness.

This

can be explained by the fact that player understand their

succeed

Replace the word

success

show examples

completely depends on their own effect. So they have to be more

self-discipline

Replace the word

self-disciplined

show examples

to achieve their goals. In spite of

these argument

Change the determiner

this argument

these arguments

show examples

, I believe that playing in

team

sports

will help

people

develop important

skill

Fix the agreement mistake

skills

show examples

in their life.

Firstly

this

kind of sport creates a connection between participants. When they spend most of their time to practice together, they will be more

closed

Replace the word

show examples

with

teammate

Fix the agreement mistake

teammates

show examples

This

thing will develop their bond.

Additionally

people

who

played

Wrong verb form

play

show examples

team

Fix the agreement mistake

teams

show examples

are likely to have a better social life. They work together and try to achieve mutual goals.

This

can improve different skills like working group and leadership In conclusion , I believe that engaging in

team

sports

help

Correct subject-verb agreement

helps

show examples

you develop in the future.

Submitted by hanhphuc08122006 on Thu Dec 14 2023

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coherence cohesion

Ensure logical structure by organizing ideas into clear paragraphs with topic sentences. Use linking words to improve flow.

coherence cohesion

Introduction and conclusion are weak. Both should clearly present the main points and your opinion in the conclusion for a strong essay.

coherence cohesion

Expand and support main points with specific examples and explanations to give depth to your arguments.

task achievement

Address all parts of the task by discussing both views equally and give a clear opinion in the introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion.

task achievement

Develop clear and comprehensive ideas with better explanation and elaboration to enhance reader understanding.

task achievement

Use relevant and specific examples to support your points and explain how they are connected to the argument.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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4Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
17Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

228 words

<40

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 4.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 4.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Now a lot of people in college are doing academic study. should encourage them lo learn vocational skill (like plumbers electricians). Do you agree or disagree?

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