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Writing Samples
Band 6

Some people believe that having sport in schools is a waste of time and resources, whilst other people believe that sport in schools is a vital part of education. Discuss both these views and give your opinion.

#people #sport #schools #waste #time #resources #whilst #part #education
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Many believe educating
sports
 in schools is useless, whilst some argue that physical course is a critical part of the
school
 curriculum. I believe that
Sports
 in
school
 is an important part of education because it will help
students
 develop themselves and have a healthy lifestyle. On the one hand, those who think it is unwise to include sport in the
school
 curriculum opine that it consumes the invaluable time of a student who should better concentrate on learning.
Also
, they think that
this
 course will cause serious bodily injury and it is harmful to
students
' health.
For example
, parents believe that
sports
 cannot add any value to their child's future career.
However
, I believe that difficult things only make
students
 easily tired during class and limit their ability to develop soft skills.
On the other hand
, it is indubitable that a sport is beneficial to academic performance, and it plays a crucial role in education,
therefore
, some people argue that physical education is essential as it will exercise the
body
 and know the
body
 system
such
 as muscles,
body
 physical types, limbs, etc.
In addition
,
students
 will have many new friends with similar interests. I believe that
this
school
 of thought is
more
Correct quantifier usage
apply
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preferable because playing
sports
 will help
students
 become healthier and expand their relationships.
To conclude
,
although
 learning
sports
 can injure
students
,
but
Remove the conjunction
apply
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it is important that
sports
 can help
students
 lead a healthy lifestyle and have a fit
body
 and
that is
 why having
sport
Fix the agreement mistake
sports
show examples
 in schools is a
more
Correct quantifier usage
apply
show examples
preferable option.
Submitted by bdkhanhlinh on

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task achievement
Consider developing your points further with more specific examples and detail, while ensuring that the introduction and conclusion encapsulate your argument effectively.
coherence cohesion
Strive to create a logical flow and transition between ideas. Use a range of cohesive devices and paragraphing appropriately to structure your essay more effectively.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Physical fitness
  • Holistic development
  • Cognitive function
  • Teamwork
  • Interpersonal skills
  • Extracurricular
  • Academic achievement
  • Resource allocation
  • Curriculum
  • Inequality in opportunities
  • Life skills
  • Well-rounded education
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