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Writing Samples
Band 6

The leaders or directors of organizations are often elderly people. However some say that young people can also take the lead of organisations or companies. To what extend do you agree or disagree?

#leaders #directors #organizations #people #say #lead #organisations #companies
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Usually, corporations have aged people in the top directive positions because of company age and mature level of decision-making.
However
, it's going to change
this
 trend nowadays because of efficient ,smart and capable direction .In my opinion, I believe that the young generations are technologically advanced and they are much more capable of leading organizations to the next level.
On the other hand
,I am going to outline some of them rely on mature supervisors for constant sustainable growth in the organizations rather than youth initiatives.
Firstly
 ,the young generations are technologically sound and they have multisets of skills
due to
privilege
Correct article usage
the privilege
show examples
 of the internet era .Google makes our life easier ,just click we can find our curiosity,we can learn details and elaborately .
Moreover
,universities are much more digitalised in delivering quality to students .
Hence
 , it gives the opportunity to have multi-taskers and to prepare themselves as
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
dynamic and competitive person in work life.In spite of that ,we can say that gathering knowledge and taking technology intelligent smart leadership is only possible for the current generation.
Secondly
,older guidance has positive views and relies on sustainable positive growth within the organizations.Mature bosses can make instant sensible decisions,which could have a positive impact on the firm compared to younger bosses.
Additionally
,having long years in the organization can drive to lift up to the expected goals
whereas
 a younger boss, 's risky decisions may impact revenue generation as well could affect sustainable growth . In conclusion,in terms of globalization and technology-based business society needs dynamic captaincy to compete with stakeholders.
Hence
, It may be possible to get positive outcomes from youth captainship .
Submitted by emonsunderland2015 on

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task achievement
Your essay demonstrates an adequate attempt in addressing the task. You have expressed a clear position, but the overall response could be extended with more in-depth discussion and exploration of the main points. Consider developing each argument with additional supporting details and examples to fully satisfy the task requirement.
coherence cohesion
The logical structure of your essay is satisfactory. Your use of cohesive devices such as 'Firstly' and 'Secondly' is clear, helping to organize the arguments. However, to improve coherence and cohesion, use a variety of linking words and ensure paragraphing clearly distinguishes your main ideas. Make use of transition phrases to smoothly lead the reader from one point to another and to enhance the flow of your ideas.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • elderly, senior
  • emerging technologies
  • wisdom, maturity, seasoned
  • agility, nimble
  • entrepreneurial spirit
  • innovativeness
  • adaptability
  • mentorship, guidance
  • succession planning
  • diversity, inclusiveness
  • risk-taking, calculated risks
  • demographics
  • intergenerational
  • knowledge transfer
  • organizational renewal
  • challenges, drawbacks
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