Some children spent hours every day on their smartphones. Why is this the case? Do you think this is a possitive or a negative development?
Nowadays , More young people have
got
Verb problem
apply
phone
and they are Use synonyms
spenting
more time Correct your spelling
spending
for
smartphones because Change preposition
on
Phone
has Use synonyms
got
more games and Their Verb problem
apply
parents
do not Use synonyms
spent
Change the verb form
spend
for
Change preposition
on
children
. if Use synonyms
children
Use synonyms
will
use from Verb problem
apply
Use synonyms
phone
for Fix the agreement mistake
phones
Correct your spelling
education
aducation
, it is good but They will play Correct your spelling
education
game
, Fix the agreement mistake
games
it
is not good
On the one hand, more Correct pronoun usage
which
parents
are rich and they get Use synonyms
Use synonyms
phone
for their Fix the agreement mistake
phones
children
. They think If we get Use synonyms
Use synonyms
phone
for Add an article
a phone
the phone
my
Correct pronoun usage
our
children
, they Use synonyms
become
Verb problem
will
study
very well and They Use synonyms
do
not look to their Verb problem
will
children
's Use synonyms
Use synonyms
study
. after some Fix the agreement mistake
studies
children
have got Use synonyms
Use synonyms
Correct article usage
a phone
phone
Correct article usage
a phone
and
they Correct word choice
apply
Unnecessary verb
apply
have
Verb problem
apply
Wrong verb form
given
give
up Wrong verb form
given
Use synonyms
Wrong verb form
studying
study
because They never try to Replace the word
studying
study
. Use synonyms
Capitalize word
As
as
a Capitalize word
As
metter
of fact poor Correct your spelling
matter
Use synonyms
Change noun form
parents
parents's
Change noun form
parents
study
of Use synonyms
children
very well Use synonyms
bacause
they have not got Correct your spelling
because
Use synonyms
Correct article usage
a phone
phone
and they Correct article usage
a phone
will
Verb problem
apply
study
Use synonyms
Change preposition
apply
for
to be rich and they think Change preposition
apply
parents
. Some poor Use synonyms
parents
Use synonyms
have
not got job and They can stay at home with their Add a missing verb
do have
children
and Use synonyms
They
help Correct pronoun usage
apply
to
their Change preposition
apply
children
Use synonyms
for
Change preposition
apply
study
.
Use synonyms
On the other hand
, Young Linking Words
children
Use synonyms
into
Add a missing verb
are into
the
InstagramCorrect article usage
apply
, telegram
. and If they Correct your spelling
and Telegram
will
into that, they will Verb problem
are
challange
other Correct your spelling
challenge
children
for Use synonyms
this
. Linking Words
This
Linking Words
is depends
Change the verb form
depends
to
Change preposition
on
frineds
because nowadays Correct your spelling
friends
popular
game is Correct article usage
a popular
pubg
in the world and more Correct your spelling
popular
children
are playing Use synonyms
this
so they Linking Words
do
not Verb problem
are
interest
Replace the word
interested
to
Change preposition
in studying
study
. Use synonyms
For instance
, Linking Words
Bussinesmans
when they were Correct your spelling
Businessman
child
Add an article
a child
they
were poor and they had Correct pronoun usage
apply
Fix the infinitive
to try
try
Change the verb form
tried
for
Change preposition
to
study
and Use synonyms
something
Add a missing verb
do something
achive
Correct your spelling
achieve
active
it
is no secretCorrect pronoun usage
apply
that
.
In Correct pronoun usage
apply
colclusion
, Young Correct your spelling
conclusion
children
should use Use synonyms
from
Change preposition
apply
Use synonyms
phone
for Fix the agreement mistake
phones
only
Correct word choice
apply
study
with parental supervision and They should not use from Use synonyms
Use synonyms
phone
every day because it is harmful to Fix the agreement mistake
phones
the
eyesight.Change the word
their
Submitted by kamolbotirov2005 on
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
Coherence & Cohesion
The essay lacks a clear logical structure, making it difficult for the reader to follow the arguments presented. It is important to organize your essay into clear paragraphs, each containing a distinct main idea with supporting sentences that expand on that idea coherently.
Coherence & Cohesion
An introduction and conclusion are critical components of an IELTS essay. The introduction should clearly state the topic as well as your position or overview of what will be discussed. The conclusion should summarize the main points and restate your position in a way that signals the end of the essay. Both were underdeveloped in your response.
Coherence & Cohesion
The main points in the essay are not well-supported with relevant examples or explanations. It's essential to use specific examples to illustrate your arguments, giving them weight and making them more convincing to the reader.
Task Achievement
The task was only partially completed, with a response that did not fully address all parts of the question. It's important to fully address the question, giving a balanced discussion on why children spend hours on their smartphones and clearly expressing if this is a positive or negative development.
Task Achievement
The ideas presented in the essay are somewhat unclear and not comprehensive. Aim to express your viewpoints clearly, using appropriate and varied vocabulary and grammatical structures. This includes focusing on one clear idea per paragraph and expanding on it thoroughly before moving on to the next.
Task Achievement
The essay lacks specific examples to support its claims, which are crucial for task response. Use real-life examples, statistics, or hypothetical situations to support your arguments and make them more compelling.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.