IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

In many countries, an crease in crime has been blamed on violent images on TV and computer video games. agree or disagree?

Violence on TV and video
games
Use synonyms
 is considered to be a reason for increasing
crime
Use synonyms
 in many nations. I totally disagree with
this
Linking Words
 statement .
While
Linking Words
 violent TV shows and video
games
Use synonyms
 make
people
Use synonyms
 aggressive to a certain level, they do not promote
crime
Use synonyms
 directly. I believe
lack
Use synonyms
 of jobs and
education
Use synonyms
 are the primary causes behind the escalating
crime
Use synonyms
rate
Use synonyms
 in many countries.
While
Linking Words
 violence on TV and video
games
Use synonyms
 can inspire
people
Use synonyms
 to behave aggressively. But it does not directly compel them to commit illegal activity. Like, after watching a movie based on robbery may fascinate individuals about theft , but they do not start following it. Because they are aware of the consequences associated with
such
Linking Words
 activities.
For instance
Linking Words
, Indian cinema glorifying violence in many movies from the past couple of years , but
people
Use synonyms
 only take them as entertainment; nobody follows them in real life.
However
Linking Words
, major causes of the increasing
crime
Use synonyms
rate
Use synonyms
 are the
lack
Use synonyms
 of
education
Use synonyms
 and fewer job opportunities. Fewer jobs and
education
Use synonyms
 are directly linked to the
crime
Use synonyms
rate
Use synonyms
, because if a person did not get enough
education
Use synonyms
, they likely will not find an appropriate job to fulfil their daily needs of shelter and food, which will eventually force them to do illegal activity,
such
Linking Words
 as robbery, burglary, etc.
For example
Linking Words
,
according to
Linking Words
 a survey , the
crime
Use synonyms
rate
Use synonyms
 proportionally increased with the
lack
Use synonyms
 of
education
Use synonyms
 and work opportunities in many countries.
To conclude
Linking Words
,
although
Linking Words
 violent movies and
games
Use synonyms
 might motivate
people
Use synonyms
 to act in a certain aggressive way but they do not inspire them to commit a
crime
Use synonyms
.
However
Linking Words
,
lack
Use synonyms
 of
education
Use synonyms
 and jobs are the real contributing factors behind the increasing
crime
Use synonyms
 rates in many countries.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

general
Use short, simple sentences and clear paragraphs.
coherence
Link ideas with simple transitions like 'and', 'but', 'so', 'therefore'.
task
Add more details or examples to support your points.
structure
You take a clear position and restate it in the end.
content
You show a clear idea that education and jobs affect crime more than media.
Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: