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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The graph below gives information about the percentage of the population in four asian countries living in cities from 1970 to 2020, with predictions for 2030 and 2040. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevent.

The graph below gives information about the percentage of the population in four asian countries living in cities from 1970 to 2020, with predictions for 2030 and 2040. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevent.
#information #percentage #population #four #asian #countries #cities #predictions #summarise #features #comparisons #relevent
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The line graph displays
the
Correct article usage
apply
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information about the residents who live in four countries in a thirty-
year
Use synonyms
 period and in the prediction of 2030 to 2040, measured in proportion. In general, the percentage of Indonesian people
were
Correct subject-verb agreement
was
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 the lowest at the beginning but took over Thailand and
Philippines
Correct article usage
the Philippines
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, including in the prediction
year
Use synonyms
 (2030-2040). Meanwhile, the proportion of
Malaysia's
Change noun form
Malaysia
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 consistently became the highest. In the
year
Use synonyms
of
Change preposition
apply
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1970, the proportion saw a 10% and continued to go up and take over the
amount
Use synonyms
 of
Thailand
Change noun form
Thailand's
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population
Use synonyms
 at more than 40% in 2010.
In addition
Linking Words
,
the
Correct article usage
apply
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Indonesia's
population
Use synonyms
 will grow up
until
Change preposition
to
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 60% in 2040. Meanwhile, the percentage of
Thailand
Change noun form
Thailand's
show examples
population
Use synonyms
 started from nearly 20% and slightly increased to around 30%, and it will reach nearly 50% in 2040. On the other side,
Correct article usage
the Philippines'
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Philippines'
Change noun form
Philippines
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 began from the highest
amount
Use synonyms
 in the
year
Use synonyms
of
Change preposition
apply
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1970 and went up sharply to 50% in 1990 but decreased to about 40% in the following 20 years, but it will reach more than 50%
in
Change preposition
by
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 the end of prediction
year
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 (2040) Regarding the
amount
Use synonyms
 of Malaysia's
population
Use synonyms
, it started from 30% and soared
year
Use synonyms
 over
year
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 until
reach
Wrong verb form
reached
show examples
 more than 70% in 2020.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, it was predicted that the
amount
Use synonyms
 will reach approximately 80% in 2040.
Submitted by misstiasclassroom on

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Vocabulary: Replace the words year, amount, population with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "information" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "amount" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "go up" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "reach" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "nearly" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 2 times.
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