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Band 5.5

The older generations tend to have very traditional ideas about how people should live, think and behave. However, some people believe that these ideas are not helpful in preparing younger generations for modern life. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this view?

#generations #people #life
Many
people
 think that the belief of old
people
 about the
way
 of living and thinking
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 does not help younger
generations
 to get prepared for the modern world and
way
 of
life
. I could not agree more with
this
 affirmation because the youth often have older
people
 as an image to follow and because
this young
Change the determiner
this young person
these young people
show examples
people
 could be affected
due to
 the opinions of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society
. The youth have old
people
 as a reference for many
life
 aspects. Because of
this
, they can feel bad if their opinion about something or their
way
 of
life
 is different from the one of older
generations
.
For example
, if a kid is always in an outdated living environment, he has only old
people
 as reference and when it is time to get more independent he is going to have
lot
Change the article
a lot
show examples
 of difficulties to socialise. Someone with modern and different
ideas
 could be affected
due to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society
Change noun form
society's
show examples
 opinions.
This
 is because old-fashioned
ideas
 are always present in our
society
 and
this
 makes young
people
 repeat and think
these
Change preposition
about these
show examples
ideas
. To illustrate
this
 idea, somebody who thinks out of the box and has different
ideas
 compared to other
people
 can be pointed out by
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society
.
To conclude
, I totally agree with
this
 affirmation because the youth can be very influenced by older
generations
 to think in the same
way
due to
 references or to feel included
into
Change preposition
in
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society
. In my
opinion
Add a comma
opinion,
show examples
 the population must stop
this
 and start to accept different opinions to prepare new
generations
 for a modern
way
 of
life
.
Submitted by santos_dij on

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task achievement
Enhance your examples with more specific details or statistics to make your arguments more compelling and tangible.
coherence cohesion
Ensure a variety of linking devices to enhance the smoothness of transitions between sentences and paragraphs.
task achievement
The essay presents a clear opinion and consistently supports it with arguments.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion effectively frame the argument presented in the essay.
coherence cohesion
The progression of the argument is logical, leading the reader clearly from one point to the next.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Traditional ideas
  • Modern life
  • Younger generations
  • Stability
  • Guidance
  • Foundation
  • Cultural heritage
  • Rigid gender roles
  • Resistance to new technologies
  • Adaptability
  • Innovative solutions
  • Respecting elders
  • Maintaining family bonds
  • Stifle progress
  • Fusion of ideas
  • Outdated values
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