IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 3

**There are severe social consequences to housing shortages in cities and only the government can solve these problems.** **To what extent do you agree or disagree?**

#**there #consequences #shortages #cities #government #**to
Nowadays, there are different social consequences to housing
shortage
 in cities and I totally disagree that only the government can solve these
Correct your spelling
problems
groblems
Correct your spelling
problems
because there are
number
Correct article usage
a number
show examples
 of
association
Fix the agreement mistake
associations
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 which play a great role
to reduce
Change preposition
in reducing
show examples
 the number of homeless
people
 by providing food and
place
Fix the agreement mistake
places
show examples
 for shelters In cities, there are severe social consequences to
housing
Add an article
the housing
a housing
show examples
shortage
,
however
Add a comma
however,
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 some citizens are regulating organizations to
fulfill
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fulfil
show examples
 the needs of homeless
people
 by
collect
Wrong verb form
collecting
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
fund from
different
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a different
show examples
person
Fix the agreement mistake
people
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. It
is
Verb problem
plays
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 playing essential role
to reduce
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in reducing
show examples
housing
Correct article usage
the housing
show examples
shortage
 by providing shelter and foodstuff among homeless
people
 and
also
 thanks to
of
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apply
show examples
all responsible
person
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people
show examples
 who help that type of
organizations
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organization
show examples
 by donating funds. Likely, if homeless
people
 gain support from
such
 type of organizations , they will have time for mentally prepared and
susessed
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assessed
successes
 in future
then
 they will have their own
buiding
Correct your spelling
building
.
For instance
 , a lot of
people
are launched
Change the verb form
have launched
show examples
 charities for homeless
person
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people
show examples
 after
successed
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succeeding
 in their careers but
surprising
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the surprising
show examples
think
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thing
show examples
 is that, even they
also
 homeless
in
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at
show examples
their
Change the word
an
show examples
 early age. In conclusion, I totally disagree that only the government can solve
housing
Add an article
the housing
show examples
shortage
 in cities because some citizens
also
solving
Wrong verb form
solve
show examples
this
 problem
throughout
Change preposition
through
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
charities by collecting funds for homeless
people
 .
Submitted by ashokmgk12346 on

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task achievement
Ensure a clear thesis statement in the introduction that outlines your stance and the structure of the essay. Your introduction lacks a clear statement of your position and preview of main points.
task achievement
Develop your ideas with clear topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph. Each paragraph should contain one main idea that relates directly to the question.
coherence cohesion
Include a fully developed conclusion that restates your opinion and summarizes the key points made in the essay. Your conclusion only restates the introduction and does not provide an effective summary.
coherence cohesion
Employ cohesive devices effectively to give your essay a logical structure. Use linking words to connect sentences and paragraphs. The essay does have some coherence, but the logical sequence can be improved.
task achievement
Provide specific examples to support your ideas. General statements need to be substantiated with clear, specific evidence. The examples you provided are vague and not developed enough.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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