Some experts believe that when a country is already rich, any additional increase in economic wealth does not make its citizens any more satisfied. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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It's
understable
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understandable
that
financially
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Financial
show examples
stability is
primary
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a primary
the primary
show examples
concern for many
people
Use synonyms
, and it is often cited as the main reason for staying in
workforce
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the workforce
show examples
.
However
Linking Words
,I partially disagree with the notion that
money
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is
most
Correct article usage
the most
show examples
important
factor
Use synonyms
motiviating
Correct your spelling
motivating
people
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to keep working.To be more clear,there are other reasons that can be equally,if not more,
influental
Correct your spelling
influential
in an individual's life to stay in their
job
Use synonyms
. One
such
Linking Words
factor
Use synonyms
may
Correct pronoun usage
that may
show examples
be considered is the sense of accomplishment.Many
people
Use synonyms
derive a great deal of fulfilment from their
work
Use synonyms
.
Thus
Linking Words
, making
achievment
Correct your spelling
achievements
also
Linking Words
motivate
Correct subject-verb agreement
motivates
show examples
humans to stay in the workforce and continue developing.
Moreover
Linking Words
,playing
crucial
Add an article
a crucial
show examples
role towards society in terms of aiding,
also
Linking Words
Use synonyms
factor
Correct subject-verb agreement
factors
show examples
to stay motivated and keep working.Saying thoroughly,
for instance
Linking Words
,doctors being responsible for
patients
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patients'
patient's
show examples
life requires
huge
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a huge
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amount
Change preposition
of attantion
show examples
attantion
Correct your spelling
attention
and it gives
tham
Correct your spelling
them
satisfaction
toward
Change preposition
in
show examples
their
job
Use synonyms
.
One
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On
show examples
the other hand,workers from
underpriviliged
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underprivileged
families having higher
Fix the agreement mistake
incomes
show examples
income
Fix the agreement mistake
incomes
show examples
might contribute to
Use synonyms
Replace the word
working
show examples
work
Wrong verb form
working
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better with enthusiasm.Workers comprehending that their
work
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do
Change the verb form
does
show examples
not correspond to their monthly salary may think about quitting their current
job
Use synonyms
.
Hence
Linking Words
,more
money
Use synonyms
is
also
Linking Words
method
Add an article
a method
the method
show examples
to keep workers in the workplace.
Linking Words
However
Add a comma
However,
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it is not the same with
financialy
Correct your spelling
financially
financial
secure families.They find delight in other things
such
Linking Words
as
work
Use synonyms
achievements,helping
people
Use synonyms
and so on.Owing to
this
Linking Words
reason,it depends on
people
Use synonyms
what
factores
Correct your spelling
factors
factories
can promote staying in
Use synonyms
work place
Correct your spelling
the workplace
show examples
and being motivated. Taking everything into account,it is
undisputable
Correct your spelling
indisputable
show examples
that
money
Use synonyms
play
Correct subject-verb agreement
plays
show examples
important
Add an article
an important
show examples
role for employees but it is not the only
factor
Use synonyms
that
people
Use synonyms
to alter their current
work
Use synonyms
such
Linking Words
as
job
Use synonyms
accomplishment or playing
important
Correct article usage
an important
show examples
role
for
Change preposition
in
show examples
community
Add an article
the community
show examples
.So,
difference
Replace the word
different
show examples
people
Use synonyms
find their satisfaction in different things and it is complicated to say only
money
Use synonyms
might urge employees.
Submitted by alex.martirosyan201206 on

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coherence cohesion
Your essay demonstrates some ability to organize ideas, but the logical structure could be significantly improved. Aim to have a more defined paragraph structure, with clear topic sentences that introduce the main idea of each paragraph. Transitions between ideas need to be more fluid to enhance the ease of reading. A concise introduction and a definitive conclusion are also needed to frame your arguments clearly.
task achievement
The response addresses the topic, but it does not fully develop a clear position throughout the essay. It's important to clearly state your personal opinion and extent of agreement or disagreement in the introduction, and then consistently maintain and develop your argument in subsequent paragraphs. Providing more relevant, specific examples would also strengthen your essay, offering tangible support to your assertions and aiding the reader's understanding of your viewpoints.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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