Some experts believe that when a country is already rich, any additional increase in economic wealth does not make its citizens any more satisfied. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

It's
understable
Correct your spelling
understandable
that
financially
Change the word
Financial
show examples
stability is
primary
Add an article
a primary
the primary
show examples
concern for many
people
, and it is often cited as the main reason for staying in
workforce
Add an article
the workforce
show examples
.
However
,I partially disagree with the notion that
money
is
most
Correct article usage
the most
show examples
important
factor
motiviating
Correct your spelling
motivating
people
to keep working.To be more clear,there are other reasons that can be equally,if not more,
influental
Correct your spelling
influential
in an individual's life to stay in their
job
. One
such
factor
may
Correct pronoun usage
that may
show examples
be considered is the sense of accomplishment.Many
people
derive a great deal of fulfilment from their
work
.
Thus
, making
achievment
Correct your spelling
achievements
also
motivate
Correct subject-verb agreement
motivates
show examples
humans to stay in the workforce and continue developing.
Moreover
,playing
crucial
Add an article
a crucial
show examples
role towards society in terms of aiding,
also
factor
Correct subject-verb agreement
factors
show examples
to stay motivated and keep working.Saying thoroughly,
for instance
,doctors being responsible for
patients
Change noun form
patients'
patient's
show examples
life requires
huge
Correct article usage
a huge
show examples
amount
Change preposition
of attantion
show examples
attantion
Correct your spelling
attention
and it gives
tham
Correct your spelling
them
satisfaction
toward
Change preposition
in
show examples
their
job
.
One
Correct your spelling
On
show examples
the other hand,workers from
underpriviliged
Correct your spelling
underprivileged
families having higher
Fix the agreement mistake
incomes
show examples
income
Fix the agreement mistake
incomes
show examples
might contribute to
Replace the word
working
show examples
work
Wrong verb form
working
show examples
better with enthusiasm.Workers comprehending that their
work
do
Change the verb form
does
show examples
not correspond to their monthly salary may think about quitting their current
job
.
Hence
,more
money
is
also
method
Add an article
a method
the method
show examples
to keep workers in the workplace.
However
Add a comma
However,
show examples
it is not the same with
financialy
Correct your spelling
financially
financial
secure families.They find delight in other things
such
as
work
achievements,helping
people
and so on.Owing to
this
reason,it depends on
people
what
factores
Correct your spelling
factors
factories
can promote staying in
work place
Correct your spelling
the workplace
show examples
and being motivated. Taking everything into account,it is
undisputable
Correct your spelling
indisputable
show examples
that
money
play
Correct subject-verb agreement
plays
show examples
important
Add an article
an important
show examples
role for employees but it is not the only
factor
that
people
to alter their current
work
such
as
job
accomplishment or playing
important
Correct article usage
an important
show examples
role
for
Change preposition
in
show examples
community
Add an article
the community
show examples
.So,
difference
Replace the word
different
show examples
people
find their satisfaction in different things and it is complicated to say only
money
might urge employees.
Submitted by alex.martirosyan201206 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
Your essay demonstrates some ability to organize ideas, but the logical structure could be significantly improved. Aim to have a more defined paragraph structure, with clear topic sentences that introduce the main idea of each paragraph. Transitions between ideas need to be more fluid to enhance the ease of reading. A concise introduction and a definitive conclusion are also needed to frame your arguments clearly.
task achievement
The response addresses the topic, but it does not fully develop a clear position throughout the essay. It's important to clearly state your personal opinion and extent of agreement or disagreement in the introduction, and then consistently maintain and develop your argument in subsequent paragraphs. Providing more relevant, specific examples would also strengthen your essay, offering tangible support to your assertions and aiding the reader's understanding of your viewpoints.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

You are not ready for IELTS Speaking, if you

  • Can’t speak smoothly without pauses.
  • Use simple words and lack vocabulary.
  • Feel nervous and anxious when speaking.
What to do next:
Look at other essays:

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!