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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

All over the world, societies are facing a growing problem with obesity. This problem affects both children and adults. What are the reasons for this rise in obesity, How could it be tackled?

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Introduction
Nowadays, it is undeniable that health issues related to obesity are spreading worldwide. Since
this
Linking Words
 problem affects a wide range of
people
Use synonyms
 regardless of age,
this
Linking Words
 problem has to be faced as soon as possible.
Body · 1
So, what are the main causes of obesity?
Body · 2
Firstly
Linking Words
, some
people
Use synonyms
 argue that the main reason why
people
Use synonyms
 are becoming overweight is the lack of physical training;
for
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example
Add a comma
example,
show examples
 many experts have found a significant decrease in
people
Use synonyms
that
Correct pronoun usage
who
show examples
 do exercise regularly.
Body · 3
Another factor to point out is that
food
Use synonyms
consuming
Replace the word
consumption
 has experienced substantial changes
across
Change preposition
over the
show examples
last
Linking Words
decades
Correct word choice
few decades
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;
people
Use synonyms
 from all over the world are less aware
about
Change preposition
of
show examples
 what substances are contained
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
food
Use synonyms
 products;
moreover
Linking Words
, fast
food
Use synonyms
 chains are expanding their business worldwide in leaps and bounds, and it is generally known that
these
Fix the agreement mistake
this
show examples
 type of
dishes
Fix the agreement mistake
dish
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 contains substances full of fats.
Body · 4
Having said that, how should we face
this
Linking Words
 matter?
Body · 5
First of all, it is important
being
Wrong verb form
to be
show examples
 more careful about our
feeding
Check wording
diet
show examples
, since it is a personal choice;
for example
Linking Words
, individuals should decide to eat vegetables and fruits full of proteins,
such
Linking Words
 as
spinaches
Check wording
spinach
show examples
 and apples,
instead
Linking Words
 of those full of carbohydrates and fats.
Body · 6
Furthermore
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, I believe that, especially for sedentary
people
Use synonyms
, adding a walk
on
Change preposition
to
show examples
 the daily routine may be a great choice.
Body · 7
On the other hand
Linking Words
, as
this
Linking Words
 matter
involves
Correct word order
also involves
show examples
also
Linking Words
 the psychological's sphere of an
individual
Check wording
individual's
show examples
 life, obese
people
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 may rely on an expert to discuss with.
Conclusion
To sum up
Linking Words
, I think the most practical method to overcome obesity problems is trying to stay fit and
doing
Verb problem
making
show examples
 good decisions related to
food
Use synonyms
.

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task response
Answer both parts more fully. You explain the causes well, but the solutions need more detail and stronger support.
task response
Use clearer examples. Some ideas are good, but they need real and direct examples to make your points stronger.
coherence and cohesion
Keep one clear main idea in each paragraph. This will make your response easier to follow.
coherence and cohesion
Link ideas in a smoother way. Some parts connect well, but a few sentences feel separate or not fully developed.
coherence and cohesion
Develop the solution paragraph more. It has several ideas, but each one is quite short.
task response
You answer both the causes and the solutions, so you address the full task.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear opening and a clear ending.
coherence and cohesion
You use paragraphing well, and the order of ideas is easy to understand.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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