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Band 3

Some people believe that entertainers are more important than scientist in today’s world. Do you agree or disagree?

#people #entertainers #scientist #today’s #world
It is argued that entertainment performers are more crucial than
scientist
Fix the agreement mistake
scientists
show examples
 in today's society. I completely disagree with the
give
Change the verb form
given
show examples
 statement as
scientist
 plays
pivotal
Add an article
a pivotal
show examples
role
 in technological development and public policies. First and foremost,
scientist
Fix the agreement mistake
scientists
show examples
is having
Wrong verb form
have
show examples
important
Add an article
an important
show examples
role
 in scientific research and new discoveries. Society
are rely
Change the verb form
relies
show examples
 on
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
new
scientist
Replace the word
scientific
show examples
 inventions to solve new problems that coming up.
The
Correct article usage
A
show examples
 concrete example of the
role
 of
Add an article
the scientist
a scientist
show examples
scientist
Fix the agreement mistake
scientists
show examples
 is when the world faced
Covid-19
Correct article usage
the Covid-19
show examples
 pandemic. Most countries are in catastrophic conditions as
millions
Add the preposition
millions of
show examples
 people
suffered
Wrong verb form
suffer
show examples
 from
Corona virus
Correct your spelling
Coronavirus
show examples
. In that situation,
scientist
Fix the agreement mistake
scientists
show examples
 came up with
new
Add an article
a new
show examples
 vaccine to help patients recover from that virus.
Furthermore
, governments
also
believed
Wrong verb form
believe
show examples
 in scientific advice when they have to make some public policies. The
policy makers
Correct your spelling
policymakers
show examples
 heard the
voice
Fix the agreement mistake
voices
show examples
from
Change preposition
of
show examples
scientist
Fix the agreement mistake
scientists
show examples
 in order to make sure that their
policy
will
Wrong verb form
would be
show examples
 on point.
For instance
, in Indonesia, the
parlement
Correct your spelling
parliament
 often invites
scientist
Fix the agreement mistake
scientists
show examples
 for hearing
event
Fix the agreement mistake
events
show examples
. It is part of the
policy
 decision process, so the released
policy
is
Verb problem
has
show examples
 already
got
Verb problem
been
show examples
agreement
Replace the word
agreed
show examples
by
Change preposition
upon by
show examples
 the
scientist
. In conclusion, it is
undeniably
Change the word
undeniable
show examples
 that
scientist
 is more important than
enterteiners
Correct your spelling
entertainers
 because of their
role
 in technological inventions and their contributions
in
Change preposition
to
show examples
 public
policy
.
Submitted by ryanrush16 on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear main idea and that the supporting sentences are directly related to this main idea to enhance coherence. Transition words should be used purposefully to show the relationship between ideas.
task achievement
While your introduction and conclusion are present, consider using a wider range of structures and make sure they clearly state the overall position. It's beneficial to reiterate your main ideas in the conclusion for emphasis and clarity.
task achievement
To achieve a higher score, make sure to address the prompt fully. Some areas may require further development or detailed examples. Ensure each paragraph contributes to the overall argument or narrative in a meaningful way.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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