IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3

Some people believe that entertainers are more important than scientist in today’s world. Do you agree or disagree?

#people #entertainers #scientist #today’s #world
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It is argued that entertainment performers are more crucial than
Use synonyms
scientist
Fix the agreement mistake
scientists
show examples
 in today's society. I completely disagree with the
give
Change the verb form
given
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 statement as
scientist
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 plays
pivotal
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a pivotal
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role
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 in technological development and public policies. First and foremost,
Use synonyms
scientist
Fix the agreement mistake
scientists
show examples
is having
Wrong verb form
have
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important
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an important
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role
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 in scientific research and new discoveries. Society
are rely
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relies
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 on
the
Correct article usage
apply
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new
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scientist
Replace the word
scientific
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 inventions to solve new problems that coming up.
The
Correct article usage
A
show examples
 concrete example of the
role
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 of
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Add an article
the scientist
a scientist
show examples
scientist
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scientists
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 is when the world faced
Covid-19
Correct article usage
the Covid-19
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 pandemic. Most countries are in catastrophic conditions as
millions
Add the preposition
millions of
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 people
suffered
Wrong verb form
suffer
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 from
Corona virus
Correct your spelling
Coronavirus
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. In that situation,
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scientist
Fix the agreement mistake
scientists
show examples
 came up with
new
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a new
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 vaccine to help patients recover from that virus.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, governments
also
Linking Words
believed
Wrong verb form
believe
show examples
 in scientific advice when they have to make some public policies. The
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policy makers
Correct your spelling
policymakers
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 heard the
voice
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voices
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from
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of
show examples
Use synonyms
scientist
Fix the agreement mistake
scientists
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 in order to make sure that their
policy
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will
Wrong verb form
would be
show examples
 on point.
For instance
Linking Words
, in Indonesia, the
parlement
Correct your spelling
parliament
 often invites
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scientist
Fix the agreement mistake
scientists
show examples
 for hearing
event
Fix the agreement mistake
events
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. It is part of the
policy
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 decision process, so the released
policy
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is
Verb problem
has
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 already
got
Verb problem
been
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agreement
Replace the word
agreed
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by
Change preposition
upon by
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 the
scientist
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. In conclusion, it is
undeniably
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undeniable
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 that
scientist
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 is more important than
enterteiners
Correct your spelling
entertainers
 because of their
role
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 in technological inventions and their contributions
in
Change preposition
to
show examples
 public
policy
Use synonyms
.
Submitted by ryanrush16 on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear main idea and that the supporting sentences are directly related to this main idea to enhance coherence. Transition words should be used purposefully to show the relationship between ideas.
task achievement
While your introduction and conclusion are present, consider using a wider range of structures and make sure they clearly state the overall position. It's beneficial to reiterate your main ideas in the conclusion for emphasis and clarity.
task achievement
To achieve a higher score, make sure to address the prompt fully. Some areas may require further development or detailed examples. Ensure each paragraph contributes to the overall argument or narrative in a meaningful way.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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