In many parts of the world, children and teenagers are committing more crimes. Why is this happening? How should they be punished?

#parts #world #children #teenagers #crimes

It is obvious that juvenile crimes are increasing remarkably all over the world.

This

essay

would

Wrong verb form

will

show examples

pinpoint the

reasons

and outline lots of solutions that governments could take to tackle

this

situation. There are several causes for the fact that delinquent crimes are becoming more prevalent. The major

reasons

are the lack of

education

and poor living

standard

Fix the agreement mistake

standards

show examples

Because of living

Change preposition

Living

show examples

under those conditions

forcing

Wrong verb form

forced

show examples

them to take what they did not have to sustain their life and their family.

Moreover

, having poor

education

, they were not taught properly so they

have

Wrong verb form

had

show examples

no choice but to be educated on the streets rather than at school.

As a result

, they can not have the necessary knowledge to have a stable job in the future and have to commit a crime.

For instance

, in 2022,

according to

a survey about delinquent crime, the major

reasons

are poverty and poor

education

However

, the government could take

actions

Fix the agreement mistake

action

show examples

to decline

this

pressing issue in many ways. They should address both living conditions and

education

for their residents first. By making

education

more accessible, children from

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

slum

Fix the agreement mistake

slums

show examples

or whose

family

Fix the agreement mistake

families

show examples

cannot afford the tuition fee can have the opportunity to have

well-rounded

Add an article

a well-rounded

show examples

education

Therefore

, they could have a stable job in the future,

this

also

means that their living standard would improve so that they do not have to make a living by pickpocketing or even becoming a murderer. In conclusion, there are several

reasons

for the increase

Change preposition

show examples

delinquent crimes.

However

, governments could take steps by many solutions to decrease

this

problem

Submitted by nguyenhaphuongtrinh2000.st on Thu Dec 14 2023

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coherence cohesion

The essay presents main points with basic development. The structure of the essay allows for an understandable reading experience, but transitions between ideas could be smoother, and the connection between them stronger. I advise focusing on creating clear and logical links between each point to enhance the flow.

task achievement

Although the essay addresses the topic, it does not fully develop all parts of the task. The reasons behind juvenile delinquency are mentioned, but the suggested punishments are not elaborated on. To improve your score, ensure that you address all parts of the prompt thoroughly, providing detailed explanations for both causes and solutions.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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8Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
11Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

259 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 4.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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In many parts of the world, children and teenagers are committing more crimes. Why is this happening? How should they be punished?

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Ultimate Speaking practice for IELTS

Should high school students be required to study many different subjects at the same time, or should they study only three or four subjects at a time? Do you agree or disagree?

In some countries it is now illigal to reject someone applying for a job because of his or her age. Do you think this is a positive or negative development?

Some people say that music is a good way of bringing people of different cultures and ages together. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

In many countries, more and more people choose to buy imported food rather than food produced locally. Why do people buy imported food? What could be done to encourage people to buy local food?

The picture below shows how a hot balloon works. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+