IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

In many parts of the world , children and teenagers are comitting more crimes. Why is it happening ? How should they be punished?

#parts #world #children #teenagers #crimes
It is true that there
was
Wrong verb form
has been
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 an increase
of
Change preposition
in
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 juvenile delinquency recently.
This
 essay will indicate the reasons and solutions which tackle the problem of teenagers. There are 2 reasons that almost all families have
Add the comma(s)
,
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especially nuclear family and study environment. First of all , the
increase
Correct article usage
an increase
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of
Change preposition
in
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 youth crimes because of
lacking
Wrong verb form
a lack of
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parents’
Change noun form
parents
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 guidance . Parents spend less of their time on their children because they have a hectic schedule .
Thus
 , if teenagers don’t have their parents’ care and follow , all of them will take their time
to
Change preposition
with
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 peers and engage in criminal activities
such
 as pilfering or abusing drugs because of peer pressure . A part of the reason leading to teenagers’ criminality is excessive exposure
on
Change preposition
to
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 TV.
According to
 BBC
news
Capitalize word
News
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, children who watch and play violent content have become more aggressive in the period of growth.
Beside
Replace the word
Besides
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 the serious problems , it
also
 has useful solutions .
For example
 , young people who commit
less crime
Fix the agreement mistake
fewer crimes
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 like pickpocketing can be sent to rehabilitation school where they are taught about the consequences of committing a crime. Governments should put stricter punishments to approach
youth
Correct your spelling
young
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 criminals
in
Change preposition
for
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 major crimes like robbery or murder . Dangerous offenders should serve a life sentence
in
Change preposition
for
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the
Correct article usage
a
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 period of time in order to prevent them
returning
Change preposition
from returning
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 to criminal
reoffend
Correct your spelling
reoffending
 after going out.
Thus
 they can become better citizens . In conclusion , there were various reasons and solutions to tackle
this
 problem.
Moreover
, Governments and individuals should cooperate together in order to reduce the
amount
Change the quantifier
number
show examples
 of offenders.
Submitted by vukieutrang112 on

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task achievement
Ensure full development of your ideas by expanding on them with adequate detail and supporting evidence. Include real-life examples or statistical data to reinforce your points and demonstrate a deeper understanding of the topic.
coherence cohesion
Work on paragraph structure to have clear and well-developed main ideas. Consider using a mix of compound and complex sentences to link ideas within and across paragraphs more effectively. Utilize cohesive devices appropriately to guide the reader throughout your essay.
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