IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

In many parts of the world , children and teenagers are comitting more crimes. Why is it happening ? How should they be punished?

#parts #world #children #teenagers #crimes
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
It is true that there
was
Wrong verb form
has been
show examples
 an increase
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 juvenile delinquency recently.
This
Linking Words
 essay will indicate the reasons and solutions which tackle the problem of teenagers. There are 2 reasons that almost all families have
Add the comma(s)
,
show examples
especially nuclear family and study environment. First of all , the
increase
Correct article usage
an increase
show examples
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 youth crimes because of
lacking
Wrong verb form
a lack of
show examples
parents’
Change noun form
parents
show examples
 guidance . Parents spend less of their time on their children because they have a hectic schedule .
Thus
Linking Words
 , if teenagers don’t have their parents’ care and follow , all of them will take their time
to
Change preposition
with
show examples
 peers and engage in criminal activities
such
Linking Words
 as pilfering or abusing drugs because of peer pressure . A part of the reason leading to teenagers’ criminality is excessive exposure
on
Change preposition
to
show examples
 TV.
According to
Linking Words
 BBC
news
Capitalize word
News
show examples
, children who watch and play violent content have become more aggressive in the period of growth.
Beside
Replace the word
Besides
show examples
 the serious problems , it
also
Linking Words
 has useful solutions .
For example
Linking Words
 , young people who commit
less crime
Fix the agreement mistake
fewer crimes
show examples
 like pickpocketing can be sent to rehabilitation school where they are taught about the consequences of committing a crime. Governments should put stricter punishments to approach
youth
Correct your spelling
young
show examples
 criminals
in
Change preposition
for
show examples
 major crimes like robbery or murder . Dangerous offenders should serve a life sentence
in
Change preposition
for
show examples
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 period of time in order to prevent them
returning
Change preposition
from returning
show examples
 to criminal
reoffend
Correct your spelling
reoffending
 after going out.
Thus
Linking Words
 they can become better citizens . In conclusion , there were various reasons and solutions to tackle
this
Linking Words
 problem.
Moreover
Linking Words
, Governments and individuals should cooperate together in order to reduce the
amount
Change the quantifier
number
show examples
 of offenders.
Submitted by vukieutrang112 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Ensure full development of your ideas by expanding on them with adequate detail and supporting evidence. Include real-life examples or statistical data to reinforce your points and demonstrate a deeper understanding of the topic.
coherence cohesion
Work on paragraph structure to have clear and well-developed main ideas. Consider using a mix of compound and complex sentences to link ideas within and across paragraphs more effectively. Utilize cohesive devices appropriately to guide the reader throughout your essay.
What to do next:
Look at other essays: