IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Solving environmental problems should be the responsibility of international organization rather than each national government. Do you agree or disagree?

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In
this
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 modern world, environmental problems create a huge headache for the global population.
According to
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 some,
such
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 problems should be dealt with
international
Change preposition
by international
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 organizations
whereas
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 the other half believes it is the nation's responsibility.
However
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, I believe both parties should share the onus of solving
such
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 an enormous issue and I have the following reasons to support my stance.
To begin
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 with, a state's government can effectively control
such
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 threats by passing stringent policies and laws.
In addition
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 to that, it can inhibit their citizens from committing pollution by imposing severe fines as well.
For instance
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, if a
country
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 has tremendous air pollution during winter,
then
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 the
country
Use synonyms
's government can pass laws across the major cities to inhibit the use of cars during those seasons. Alternatively, it can even encourage its citizens to start using renewables, by supporting the use of E-vehicles, solar power at homes etc by offering the buyers subsidized pricing.
However
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, air has no boundaries and if a neighbour
country
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 burns a forest, all that smoke would inevitably spread to other countries as well.
As a result
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, a single
country
Use synonyms
 making
such
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 an effort will not be providing sustainable effects across the globe.
Hence
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, we need international organizations
such
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 as WHO, to propagate the impact of environmental problems across different countries. It is quite commendable to see many of the international states joining hands to have a global agreement on going carbon neutral by 2050. Though it is not possible to meet
such
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 a high goal in certain countries, it is a positive thing to witness global organizations trying to lend their hands to make
such
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 a goal a reality. So
to conclude
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, in my opinion, we need both the nation's and the global organization's support to contain
such
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 a mammoth nature issue.
This
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 is because each one of them has its own boundaries and limitations and by joining hands their impact could multiply manyfold.

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coherence cohesion
Try to use a wider range of transitional phrases and conjunctions to enhance the natural flow of your essay. This will improve the coherence and make the arguments easier to follow.
coherence cohesion
Work on slightly expanding the conclusion to make it more impactful. A more comprehensive concluding paragraph summarizes the key points effectively and leaves a lasting impression.
task achievement
Provide more specific examples and evidence to strengthen your arguments. While the current examples are relevant, additional details will make your essay even more convincing.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear and organized structure, with a logical progression of ideas. This makes it very easy for the reader to follow your argument.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are well-crafted, effectively setting the stage for your arguments and wrapping up the discussion. This is a strong aspect of your essay.
task achievement
You have addressed the task comprehensively, covering both the national and international perspectives effectively. This demonstrates a balanced viewpoint.
task achievement
The examples you provided are relevant and help to illustrate your points effectively.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • environmental degradation
  • nation's jurisdiction
  • international collaboration
  • global response
  • coordinated effort
  • enforcing environmental laws
  • sharing best practices
  • innovations and technologies
  • critical resources and knowledge
  • international agreements
  • equitable distribution
  • accountability
  • oversight
  • local context
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