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Writing Samples /
Band 2

Nowadays, parents are allowing their children to use tablets and smartphones to enhance learning. Do the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages?

#parents #children #tablets #smartphones #development
Modern technology
have
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has
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 reached the
extreame
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extreme
 and reached the hands of youngsters in the form of digital
gadgets
,
moreover
 parents encourage
youngers
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younger
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 to use electronic products in the
proccess
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process
 of
the
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apply
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education.
This
 essay
,
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apply
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 elaborates merits of the emergence of digital
product
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products
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 and in
later
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the later
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 part the demerits. On the constructive path, in the world of inventions, twenty-generation
children
 are more
reliable
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reliant
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 on laptops or smartphones and the main positive is that it supports social interaction
to
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in
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 the new modern world from
this
 they have more chances to learn new technology and skills. By using advanced
gadgets
 kids can see different videography so they can particularly be more knowledgeable and advanced.
For example
, playing games
in
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on
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 smartphones and laptops increase the mental health of a person,
although
 some study shows playing more games is good for depression On the destructive part, excessive use of electronic devices makes
children
 devoid
from
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of
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 physical activities. With too much use of electronic
gadgets
,
children
 suffer from eyesight problems because from these
gadgets
 UV rays are emitted which are very harmful to the eyes.
For example
, nowadays many
children
 are facing eyesight problems at an early age.
Submitted by shubhashish.bobby on

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structure
The essay lacks a clear introduction and conclusion, which are crucial components of the essay structure. Ensure to begin with a proper introduction that sets the context and ends with a clear conclusion that summarizes the main points.
logic
There is a need for logical structuring and sequencing of ideas. Paragraphs should be organized in a manner that each contains one central idea, supported by specific details or examples. Transitions between sentences and paragraphs should be smooth and contribute to the overall coherence of the essay.
task response
Your essay only partially responds to the task, as it fails to clearly discuss whether advantages outweigh disadvantages. Both sides need to be explored in equal measure to provide a balanced argument before reaching a conclusion.
idea development
Make sure the ideas presented are clear and comprehensive. Avoid broad statements and focus on developing each point with a detailed explanation and relevant examples. This will strengthen the argument and make the essay more persuasive.
example usage
Use of specific, relevant examples is essential to support the main ideas. Try to incorporate real-world evidence or hypothetical scenarios that directly relate to the point being made. This adds depth and persuasiveness to your argument.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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