Some people say the main way to be happy in life is to have a lot of money. How might having a lot of money make people happy? What other things in life can make people happy?

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A number of societies believe that the main factor to be happy in

world

Correct article usage

the world

show examples

is to earn and keep

Change the article

show examples

huge amount of cash.

This

Linking Words

due to

Linking Words

the dreamy house they

cam

Correct your spelling

can

show examples

buy,

Also

Linking Words

this

Linking Words

can lead to

better

Add an article

a better

show examples

quality of

life

Use synonyms

However

Linking Words

, there are other things in

life

Use synonyms

that might lead to happiness

such

Linking Words

as family and

friends

Use synonyms

Firstly

Linking Words

Correct your spelling

one

show examples

of the main

factor

Fix the agreement mistake

factors

show examples

that can lead to

better

Add an article

a better

show examples

quality of

life

Use synonyms

is that they can buy anything they want

such

Linking Words

buy

Verb problem

apply

show examples

Change the article

show examples

house or an expensive car which is

consequently

Linking Words

essential in

today

Change noun form

today's

show examples

society.

Besides

Linking Words

, they invest more

money

Use synonyms

for

Change preposition

show examples

their children and they will become rich in future without worrying and stress.

Moreover

Linking Words

, they can travel around the world and

seeing

Wrong verb form

see

show examples

all countries with

diffrent

Correct your spelling

different

cultures.

For example

Linking Words

, a significant number of

community

Fix the agreement mistake

communities

show examples

in my country,

they

Correct pronoun usage

apply

show examples

they

Correct pronoun usage

apply

show examples

have a better

life

Use synonyms

with

money

Use synonyms

and

Correct word choice

apply

show examples

specially

Replace the word

especially

show examples

their

children's

Change noun form

children

show examples

this

Linking Words

beacause

Correct your spelling

because

they can study without any stress about lack of

money

Use synonyms

Therefore

Linking Words

, the more you make

money

Use synonyms

, the happier you will be in

life

Use synonyms

Nevertheless

Linking Words

, there are other things in

life

Use synonyms

that can lead to happiness

such

Linking Words

Remove the comma

apply

show examples

family or

friends

Use synonyms

this

Linking Words

is because

Remove the comma

apply

show examples

family

Add an article

the family

a family

show examples

can support you in any situation where ever you are

Change preposition

in.

show examples

Furthermore

Linking Words

, family teach you everything that

essential

Add a missing verb

is essential

show examples

for your

life

Use synonyms

Linking Words

Also

Add a comma

Also,

show examples

friends

Use synonyms

play

Change the article

show examples

vital role in daily

life

Use synonyms

For example

Linking Words

, many people in today's world, make

friends

Use synonyms

to hang out for sports or dinner so that you feel more happy. In conclusion,

although

Linking Words

there is no doubt that

money

Use synonyms

can lead to

better

Add an article

a better

show examples

quality of

life

Use synonyms

by buying everything you want, I think that family and

friends

Use synonyms

play a key role

to make

Change preposition

in making

show examples

you feel happy in

life

Use synonyms

imanghanbari57Thu Dec 14 2023

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Coherence & Cohesion

Ensure that your essay introduction clearly sets the context for the discussion, presenting the argument and outlining the structure of the essay. Avoid ambiguity and confusion.

Coherence & Cohesion

Use a variety of sentence structures and transitional phrases to make clear connections between paragraphs and sentences. Maintain a logical flow throughout the essay.

Task Achievement

Develop your main points with specific details and examples. This not only strengthens your argument but also demonstrates a greater range of language ability.

Coherence & Cohesion

Make sure your conclusion effectively summarises the key points made within the essay and reflect on how these support the arguments you've presented. Avoid introducing new information in the conclusion.

Task Achievement

Expand on how money might make people happy by considering how it impacts different aspects of lifestyle, security, and personal development. Be concise but comprehensive.

Task Achievement

Focus on providing specific examples to illustrate your points. Generalisations can weaken your argument; instead, use particular instances or data to reinforce your position.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

14
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
29
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 4.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

5 paragraphs

291 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

Financial security
Basic needs
Comfort
Luxury
Freedom
Altruistic
Philanthropy
Nurturing relationships
Fulfillment
Sense of accomplishment
Physical well-being
Spiritual beliefs
Community involvement
Gratitude
Mindfulness
Simple pleasures

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Some people say the main way to be happy in life is to have a lot of money. How might having a lot of money make people happy? What other things in life can make people happy?

Your opinion

Some people think that students in high or secondary school can choose courses freely, others think that courses such as mathematics must be compulsory. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

In their advertising businesses nowadays usually emphasize that their products are new in some way. why is this? Do you think it is a positive or negative development?

Rates of diabetes and obesity are increasing in many countries around the world. Some people think that governments should ban soft drinks and sugary snacks from schools. To what extent do you agree or disagree ?

In some countries, owning a home rather than renting one is very important for people.Why might this be the case? Do you think this is a postive or negative situation?