Some people say the main way to be happy in life is to have a lot of money. How might having a lot of money make people happy? What other things in life can make people happy?
A number of societies believe that the main factor to be happy in
world
is to earn and keep Correct article usage
the world
an
huge amount of cash.
Change the article
a
This
is due to
the dreamy house they cam
buy, Correct your spelling
can
Also
, this
can lead to better
quality of Add an article
a better
life
. However
, there are other things in life
that might lead to happiness such
as family and friends
.
Firstly
, on
of the main Correct your spelling
one
factor
that can lead to Fix the agreement mistake
factors
better
quality of Add an article
a better
life
is that they can buy anything they want such
as buy
Verb problem
apply
an
house or an expensive car which is Change the article
a
consequently
essential in today
society. Change noun form
today's
Besides
, they invest more money
for
their children and they will become rich in future without worrying and stress. Change preposition
in
Moreover
, they can travel around the world and seeing
all countries with Wrong verb form
see
diffrent
cultures. Correct your spelling
different
For example
, a significant number of community
in my country,Fix the agreement mistake
communities
they
, Correct pronoun usage
apply
they
have a better Correct pronoun usage
apply
life
with money
and
Correct word choice
apply
specially
their Replace the word
especially
children's
, Change noun form
children
this
is beacause
they can study without any stress about lack of Correct your spelling
because
money
. Therefore
, the more you make money
, the happier you will be in life
.
Nevertheless
, there are other things in life
that can lead to happiness such
as,
family or Remove the comma
apply
friends
, this
is because ,
Remove the comma
apply
family
can support you in any situation where ever you areAdd an article
the family
a family
.
Change preposition
in.
Furthermore
, family teach you everything that essential
for your Add a missing verb
is essential
life
. Also
Add a comma
Also,
friends
play an
vital role in daily Change the article
a
life
. For example
, many people in today's world, make friends
to hang out for sports or dinner so that you feel more happy.
In conclusion, although
there is no doubt that money
can lead to better
quality of Add an article
a better
life
by buying everything you want, I think that family and friends
play a key role to make
you feel happy in Change preposition
in making
life
.Submitted by imanghanbari57 on
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Coherence & Cohesion
Ensure that your essay introduction clearly sets the context for the discussion, presenting the argument and outlining the structure of the essay. Avoid ambiguity and confusion.
Coherence & Cohesion
Use a variety of sentence structures and transitional phrases to make clear connections between paragraphs and sentences. Maintain a logical flow throughout the essay.
Task Achievement
Develop your main points with specific details and examples. This not only strengthens your argument but also demonstrates a greater range of language ability.
Coherence & Cohesion
Make sure your conclusion effectively summarises the key points made within the essay and reflect on how these support the arguments you've presented. Avoid introducing new information in the conclusion.
Task Achievement
Expand on how money might make people happy by considering how it impacts different aspects of lifestyle, security, and personal development. Be concise but comprehensive.
Task Achievement
Focus on providing specific examples to illustrate your points. Generalisations can weaken your argument; instead, use particular instances or data to reinforce your position.
Your opinion
Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.
If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.
Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.
Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:
...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?