Read the question below and write an opinion essay. You should spend no more than 40 minutes on this task. Remember to write down a clear thesis statement followed by your essay plan. Only then attempt to write this essay. Nowadays celebrities are more famous for their glamour and wealth rather than for their achievements, and this sets a bad example to young people. To What extent do you agree or disagree?
In
modern
era, it is Add an article
the modern
debatable
topic that many famous Add an article
a debatable
personality
become a part of controversy all over the time because of money and fame. Change to a plural noun
personalities
That is
why they present a wrong example for youth. I strongly agree with this
statement nowadays, social media
opens lots of gates to become
famous these Wrong verb form
becoming
days
, it
may Correct word choice
and it
ruins
the life of Change the verb form
ruin
youngster
.
Add an article
a youngster
Firstly
, media
Correct article usage
the media
play's
a vital role they always Unnecessary verb
play
shows
Change the verb form
show
superstars
lifestyle Change noun form
superstars'
superstar's
for earning
a high rating. They telecast small moments which are not so important and entertaining. Change preposition
to earn
For instance
, Correct article usage
a few
few
Correct article usage
a few
days
back media
channels shows
Wrong verb form
showed
Correct article usage
a comparison
comparison
between Will Correct article usage
a comparison
Change noun form
smith's
Change noun form
smith's
Capitalize word
Smith
smith
and Shahrukh Capitalize word
Smith
Change noun form
khan's
Change noun form
khan's
Capitalize word
Khan
khan
houses which would be not so important Capitalize word
Khan
Change preposition
to
for
anyone, Change preposition
to
whereas
a star from China Jacki Chain donates
all his amount to trust but Wrong verb form
donated
Correct article usage
the media
media
Correct article usage
the media
is
not Verb problem
did
showed
Wrong verb form
show
this
. Moreover
, influencer buy
something expensive for them to just show off, people just Change the verb form
buys
became
crazy Wrong verb form
become
for
it and starts Change preposition
about
talk
about Change the form of the verb
talking
there
luxurious life.
Correct your spelling
their
Secondly
, technology plays a very important role for
celebrities Change preposition
in
to become
more famous. Sometimes they are not too Wrong verb form
becoming
much
talented but with the help of new Rephrase
very
genration systens
they change Correct your spelling
generation systems
voice
and appearance which look very Correct pronoun usage
their voice
atractive
even without Correct your spelling
attractive
there
Correct your spelling
their
hardwok
. Correct your spelling
hard
For example
, now a
Correct the word
nowadays
days
many singers change there
echo Correct your spelling
their
with
taking help from new Change preposition
by
softwares
for the good quality of the recording but when they perform in live shows they get embarrassed. Correct your spelling
software
Furthermore
, these days
people are also
using many application
in which they can add videos and get famous for various reasons and they can earn name and fame without doing any hard work.
In conclusion, Fix the agreement mistake
applications
new
Correct article usage
the new
genration
should not follow Correct your spelling
generation
influencer
because of Fix the agreement mistake
influencers
there
fame Correct your spelling
their
instead
of this
they should see there
Correct your spelling
their
hardwork
and some Correct your spelling
hard work
are become
famous without Change to the active voice
become
have become
hardwork
, it put Correct your spelling
hard work
bad
impact on Correct article usage
a bad
youngster
.Fix the agreement mistake
youngsters
Submitted by shubhashish.bobby on
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Coherence & Cohesion
You should ensure that you have a clear logical structure. This includes organizing your essay into paragraphs that each contain a single main idea that is directly linked to the thesis statement. There should be clear progression and transitions between the points discussed. Avoid jumping between topics and ideas without a clear relation or transition.
Coherence & Cohesion
While an introduction and conclusion are present, they must provide a clearer overview of the topic and wrap up the writer's opinion in a more comprehensive manner. The thesis was implied rather than explicitly stated, which may confuse readers about the essay's direction. Ensure that the introduction contains a direct thesis statement, and the conclusion effectively summarizes the essay.
Coherence & Cohesion
Your points need further support and development. It's crucial to use examples that directly relate to your claims, ensuring they are specific and relevant. The examples you provided, while they do illustrate your point, require more explanation and connection to your argument. Additionally, endeavor to include a mix of personal, hypothetical, and factual examples for stronger argumentation.
Task Achievement
Ensure that your essay fully responds to all components of the task. The task was to discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree, but there was a lack of depth and elaboration in the response. Develop your points more fully to give a complete answer.
Task Achievement
Clarify and systematically develop your ideas. It's important to present your points in a clear and comprehensive manner. Your ideas were mentioned but not explored in detail or clarity. Each paragraph should elaborate on the ideas presented, explaining how and why they support your overall argument.
Task Achievement
Incorporate more relevant, specific examples to enhance your argument. The examples used were somewhat relevant but lacked specificity and detailed analysis. Specific examples are critical in illustrating your point of view and should be clearly linked to the topic at hand.