Read the question below and write an opinion essay. Remember to write down a clear thesis statement followed by your essay plan. Only then attempt to write this essay. Nowadays celebrities are more famous for their glamour and wealth rather than for their achievements, and this sets a bad example to young people. To What extent do you agree or disagree?

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modern

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the modern

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era, it is

debatable

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a debatable

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topic that many famous

personality

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personalities

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become a part of controversy all over the time because of money and fame.

That is

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why they present a wrong example for youth. I strongly agree with

this

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statement nowadays, social

media

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opens lots of gates to

become

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becoming

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famous these

days

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Correct word choice

and it

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may

ruins

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ruin

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the life of

youngster

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a youngster

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Firstly

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media

Correct article usage

the media

show examples

play's

Unnecessary verb

play

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a vital role they always

shows

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show

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superstars

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superstars'

superstar's

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lifestyle

for earning

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to earn

show examples

a high rating. They telecast small moments which are not so important and entertaining.

For instance

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Correct article usage

a few

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few

Correct article usage

a few

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days

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back

media

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channels

shows

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showed

show examples

Correct article usage

a comparison

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comparison

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a comparison

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between Will

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smith's

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smith's

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Capitalize word

Smith

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smith

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Smith

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and Shahrukh

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khan's

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khan's

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Capitalize word

Khan

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khan

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Khan

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houses which would be not so important

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show examples

for

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anyone,

whereas

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a star from China Jacki Chain

donates

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donated

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all his amount to trust but

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Correct article usage

the media

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media

Correct article usage

the media

show examples

Verb problem

did

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not

showed

Wrong verb form

show

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this

Linking Words

Moreover

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, influencer

buy

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buys

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something expensive for them to just show off, people just

became

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become

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crazy

for

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about

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it and starts

talk

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talking

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about

there

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their

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luxurious life.

Secondly

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, technology plays a very important role

for

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show examples

celebrities

to become

Wrong verb form

becoming

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more famous. Sometimes they are not too

much

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very

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talented but with the help of new

genration systens

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generation systems

they change

voice

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their voice

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and appearance which look very

atractive

Correct your spelling

attractive

even without

there

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their

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hardwok

Correct your spelling

hard

For example

Linking Words

now a

Correct the word

nowadays

show examples

days

Use synonyms

many singers change

there

Correct your spelling

their

show examples

echo

with

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show examples

taking help from new

softwares

Correct your spelling

software

for the good quality of the recording but when they perform in live shows they get embarrassed.

Furthermore

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, these

days

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people are

also

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using many

application

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applications

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in which they can add videos and get famous for various reasons and they can earn name and fame without doing any hard work. In conclusion,

new

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the new

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genration

Correct your spelling

generation

should not follow

influencer

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influencers

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because of

there

Correct your spelling

their

show examples

fame

instead

Linking Words

this

Linking Words

they should see

there

Correct your spelling

their

show examples

hardwork

Correct your spelling

hard work

and some

are become

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become

have become

show examples

famous without

hardwork

Correct your spelling

hard work

, it put

bad

Correct article usage

a bad

show examples

impact on

youngster

Fix the agreement mistake

youngsters

show examples

shubhashish.bobbyThu Dec 14 2023

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Coherence & Cohesion

You should ensure that you have a clear logical structure. This includes organizing your essay into paragraphs that each contain a single main idea that is directly linked to the thesis statement. There should be clear progression and transitions between the points discussed. Avoid jumping between topics and ideas without a clear relation or transition.

Coherence & Cohesion

While an introduction and conclusion are present, they must provide a clearer overview of the topic and wrap up the writer's opinion in a more comprehensive manner. The thesis was implied rather than explicitly stated, which may confuse readers about the essay's direction. Ensure that the introduction contains a direct thesis statement, and the conclusion effectively summarizes the essay.

Coherence & Cohesion

Your points need further support and development. It's crucial to use examples that directly relate to your claims, ensuring they are specific and relevant. The examples you provided, while they do illustrate your point, require more explanation and connection to your argument. Additionally, endeavor to include a mix of personal, hypothetical, and factual examples for stronger argumentation.

Task Achievement

Ensure that your essay fully responds to all components of the task. The task was to discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree, but there was a lack of depth and elaboration in the response. Develop your points more fully to give a complete answer.

Task Achievement

Clarify and systematically develop your ideas. It's important to present your points in a clear and comprehensive manner. Your ideas were mentioned but not explored in detail or clarity. Each paragraph should elaborate on the ideas presented, explaining how and why they support your overall argument.

Task Achievement

Incorporate more relevant, specific examples to enhance your argument. The examples used were somewhat relevant but lacked specificity and detailed analysis. Specific examples are critical in illustrating your point of view and should be clearly linked to the topic at hand.

11
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
60
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 4.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 4.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

295 words

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