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Writing Samples
Band 7

In some countries an increasing number of people are suffering from health problems as a result of eating too much fast food. It is therefore necessary for governments to impose a higher tax on this kind of food. To what extent do youagree or disagree with this opinion?

There is a view that many
people
Use synonyms
 are suffering from health issues
due to
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 eating too many fast snacks.
However
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, the government must regulate and impose a tax on
this
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 kind of cuisine.
Although
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food
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 companies benefit from selling their products to consumers, I partially agree that fast
food
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 should be banned in order to reduce health risks among individuals. In some parts of the world, it is a widespread habit to eat fast
food
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 regularly despite home-cooked meals. Because of the taste of
food
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, many
people
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 tend to eat more than other kinds of
food
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.
For example
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, in countries
such
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 as Thailand, India, Vietnam and Mexico, where
food
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 is affordable and widely available outside.
Moreover
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, street foods can be inexpensive and convenient , especially for buyers who are students, professionals, individuals who with little time to cook and travellers who need a quick meal.
As a result
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,
while
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 fast
food
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 may not always be the healthiest choice, even though its convenience, affordability and accessibility make it a popular option for many
people
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 , especially in a fast-paced world.
Therefore
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, fast
food
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 continues to play a crucial role , including but not limited to its time-saving nature and budget-friendly prices.
Conversely
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, consumption of too much fast
food
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 leads to a number of health problems. Regular intake habits may cause fatigue, a weakened immune system, or digestive issues. More and more
people
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 nowadays suffer from obesity because of eating outside. It causes the occurrence of liver cancer , which is growing rapidly. Admittedly, previous analyses have predicted that the number of new liver cancer cases will nearly double from 870,000 in 2022 to 1.52 million in 2050, mostly
due to
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 population growth and ageing populations, with the largest increases expected in Africa.
Consequently
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, it is expected rising level of deaths across the world.
Thus
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,
people
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 have to avoid eating fast
food
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 regularly. In conclusion, the government should increase the awareness of public by implementing preventive policies and regulating taxes.

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task achievement
Your introduction presents the topic clearly, but you could make your main opinion stronger. Clearly state whether you completely agree, partially agree, or disagree in the introduction.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear main idea. Sometimes it's hard to see the main point in a paragraph. Make sure each ideas connects well with the rest of the essay.
task achievement
Use more specific examples to support your points. You mentioned liver cancer, but give clearer connections to fast food, like some studies or data.
task achievement
You have good ideas about the benefits and risks of fast food, and you mention real countries. This shows you understand the topic well.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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