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Writing Samples
Band 6

Giving birth to children at an older age is now considered a better option for many young adults. There are plentiful reasons behind this decision, which is having impacts on the community and the lives of familie

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Giving birth to
children
Use synonyms
 at an older age is now considered a better option for many young adults. There are plentiful reasons behind
this
Linking Words
 decision, which is having impacts on the community and the lives of families. There are two main reasons why people nowadays decide against having
children
Use synonyms
 at a young age.
Firstly
Linking Words
, rather than embarking on parenthood early, many people choose to focus on building their careers.
This
Linking Words
 is
due to
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 the fact that when you are young, you have more energy, time and abilities to pursue your dream because you do not have to spend your time
on
Change preposition
apply
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taking care of your
children
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 or family. The second reason is that young adults are financially unstable to raise kids. The living costs are becoming more expensive
therefore
Linking Words
, people find it more struggle to nurture
children
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 when they are not in a high economic status. They prefer to work
a
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for a
show examples
few years in order to have a small savings account before having kids.
However
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,
this
Linking Words
 tendency may have negative consequences in terms of society and family life. Having
children
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 after 35 years old carries more potential health risks to the mother. The child
that is
Linking Words
 given birth may be exposed to some unwanted diseases
such
Linking Words
 as Down’s syndrome. These
children
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 can be a burden to the community and affect the quality of the future workforce.
Moreover
Linking Words
, it is harder to be pregnant at an older age, so there are chances that they cannot even have
children
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 after all. It can have
impact
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an impact
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 on the happiness of a family when they have money and a career but the trade-off is that there are no kids. In conclusion, having
children
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 later in life may be reasonable in some ways but it can have negative effects on individual families and the society at large.

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task achievement
Expand on the examples provided to strengthen your argument. Consider including more specific data or studies to support claims about economic stability and health risks related to older pregnancies.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure consistency in the presentation of ideas. Each paragraph should flow logically to the next, possibly by using transitional phrases. This will enhance readability and connection between points.
task achievement
You have acknowledged both sides of the argument, discussing both reasons for delaying parenthood and potential consequences, which enhances the depth of your essay.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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