More and more fathers are taking break from their careers so that they can stay home and take care of their children while their wives work. This is better for the family than having both parents work full time. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion.
Being a family, it is extremely crucial for the kids to have a
role
model to copy and learn from. If both parents work, this
would not satisfy these need
. If, Fix the agreement mistake
needs
however
, the father stay
at Change the verb form
stays
home
to take care of the child, it does solve the problem of lacking of role
model that the children
suffers
, but I believe there is a better Change the verb form
suffer
aproach
.
The notion of Correct your spelling
approach
father
being the one who stays at Add an article
the father
a father
home
and do the lookout for the children
while
their wive
Correct your spelling
wives
works
does help the kid to have a Fix the agreement mistake
work
role
model that they can learn from. However
, I believe that the wive
is better at taking care Correct your spelling
wife
the
kids than their husband. Change preposition
of the
Reasons
Fix the agreement mistake
Reason
being
that Wrong verb form
is
woman
are known to be more caring and have been proved by Fix the agreement mistake
women
evolution
of humanity to be Add an article
the evolution
a
better Correct article usage
apply
person
to stay Fix the agreement mistake
people
and
educate their young ones. In Change preposition
with and
the
ancient times, Correct article usage
apply
women
are
usually the ones who Wrong verb form
were
stays
at Wrong verb form
stayed
home
, cooks
, Wrong verb form
cooked
tidies
up their Wrong verb form
tidied
home
, and raise
their Wrong verb form
raised
children
while
the men hunts
or Replace the word
hunted
farms
. In the modern days, the Wrong verb form
farmed
role
doesn't change as much.
Women
have been proved
to be better at raising their Correct your spelling
proven
child
Fix the agreement mistake
children
also
because of their emotional tendency
. Men are known to be more rational and blunt compared to Fix the agreement mistake
tendencies
women's
emotional and sensitive being. With Change noun form
women
these emotion-based approach
, the Change the determiner
this emotion-based approach
these emotion-based approaches
children
would figure out what things are good and bad for them as the women
would most likely give them reaction
based on their actions.
Fix the agreement mistake
reactions
Overall
, I don't go against the idea of the father being the one in charge of taking care of his children
, but I believe there is a better approach to the matter.Submitted by fadiljayaputra on
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
coherence cohesion
The essay lacks a clear logical structure, which is evident through the absence of a clear progression of ideas and the lack of strong topic sentences to guide the reader.
coherence cohesion
An introduction and conclusion are present but are not effectively constructed to provide clear and coherent framing for the essay or restate the main points made in the body paragraphs.
coherence cohesion
Main points are mentioned, but they are not adequately supported with detailed examples or explanations, which undermines the persuasiveness of the argument.
task achievement
The response fails to fully address all parts of the task. The essay partially discusses preference for the mother as a primary caregiver but does not explore the opposite view or explain why fathers staying home could be considered better for the family.
task achievement
The ideas presented are not explained clearly or comprehensively, and this makes the argument difficult to follow. Providing more depth and clarity to each point can improve the quality of the essay.
task achievement
The essay lacks specific examples to support the claims made. Including relevant examples from real-life situations, studies, or hypothetical scenarios would greatly strengthen the argument.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.