nowadays, a growing number of people with health problem are trying alternative medicines and treatments instead of visiting their usual doctor. Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?
Health
problems suffered by many individuals are of great concern nowadays. With the increase in population, number
of Change the article
a number
the number
people
facing health related
issues Add a hyphen
health-related
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
also
increasing day by day. To compensate with
Change preposition
for
this
, the demand of
doctors Change preposition
for
also
rose to cope up
with the patients.
When it comes to consulting a doctor, some Change preposition
apply
people
believe to visit
their usual doctors, Change preposition
in visiting
while
others disagree with this
and try getting some alternative medicines. Many reasons can contribute to this
decision taken by majority
of Add an article
a majority
the majority
people
. For example
with large
Correct article usage
the large
of
number of patients and Change preposition
apply
increasing
demand Correct article usage
the increasing
of
doctors, it is hard to visit a doctor without Change preposition
for
a
appointment so rather Change the article
an
then
waiting for the allotted time, they prefer to take medicines on their own. Another reason Correct your spelling
than
being
, Wrong verb form
is
consultancy
fees are charged from the patients each time they go for Correct word choice
that consultancy
follow up2
, so individuals find it a bit expensive. In Add a hyphen
follow-up2
todays
time, Change noun form
today's
pharmacist
Add an article
the pharmacist
also
suggests drugs based of
the symptoms described by the individual, so it is more convenient for them.
We live in an age where we rely on Change preposition
on
technologies
too much. Fix the agreement mistake
technology
Instead
of trusting health
professional
, we prefer Fix the agreement mistake
professionals
treatment
which we searched Add an article
a treatment
on
Change preposition
for on
internet
. Treatment Add an article
the internet
vary
from one person to another, so rather than searching for the treatment of the described symptoms, one should consult a doctor.
From my way of thinking, I really think that Change the verb form
varies
this
development has negative
effect on Add an article
a negative
people
's health
. Consulting a usual medical professional is a good choice as they are well versed with your past medical history and they can guide you according to
that.Submitted by shivanibhatt412 on
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introduction conclusion present
Ensure that you have a clear introduction that presents the topic and your viewpoint, followed by a conclusion that summarizes your arguments and restates your opinion. Your essay seemed to lack a clear introductory statement and a definitive concluding paragraph which are essential in IELTS writing.
logical structure
Improve the logical structure of your essay by planning the layout before you begin writing. Use paragraphs to separate different ideas and make sure each one logically follows on from the preceding one. Aim for a natural flow between sentences and paragraphs.
supported main points
Develop main points with specific examples and explanations. While you have touched upon reasons for turning to alternative medicine, adding real-life examples or statistics would strengthen your argument and provide the evidence required to score higher in this area.
complete response
Ensure your essay fully responds to all parts of the task. You need to discuss both sides of the argument to provide a balanced view and then clearly present your own perspective. Your essay somewhat addresses the prompt, but a more thorough exploration is needed.
clear comprehensive ideas
Work on expressing your ideas more clearly and in more depth. Some sentences are confusing, which would benefit from a rephrasing. Use a range of vocabulary and sentence structures to articulate comprehensive explanations of your points.
relevant specific examples
Illustrate your points with relevant, specific examples. Generic statements like 'pharmacists also suggest drugs' could be improved with a particular instance that shows this practice and its impact on individuals' health.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
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