IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 2

Some young people are leaving the countrside to live in cities and towns, leaving only old people in the countryside. What problems are caused by this issue? What can be done to solve this situation?

#people #countrside #cities #towns #countryside #situation
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
The line graph illustrates the
crime
rates
 in three different areas of Newport City Centre from 2003 to 2012.
Burglary
 and
car
theft
 were consistently the highest
crime
rates
 throughout the entire period, with a noticeable decrease in both crimes from 2003 to 2004. Robbery,
on the other hand
, had lower
crime
rates
 compared to
burglary
 and
car
theft
. The graph shows that there was a slight increase in robbery in 2005 compared to the other years, but
overall
, the
crime
 rate remained relatively stable throughout the period. From 2008 to 2012, there was a significant increase in
car
theft
, reaching nearly 1000 cases in 2012.
However
,
burglary
 remained considerably lower compared to
car
theft
 during
this
 time period. These trends suggest that
while
burglary
 and
car
theft
 were consistently high,
car
theft
 saw a significant increase in recent years, surpassing
burglary
 in terms of
crime
rates
.
Submitted by bekzodeshonjonovv on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
The essay does not address the given topic about the migration of young people from the countryside to urban areas and its impact, which leads to a complete deviation from the required task.
task achievement
Your response must directly answer the question by discussing the problems caused by young people moving to urban areas and suggesting possible solutions.
coherence cohesion
Your essay should include a clear introduction and conclusion, which it currently lacks. State the problems in the introduction, discuss them in body paragraphs, and offer solutions in the conclusion.
coherence cohesion
Develop logical sequencing of ideas with clear paragraphing. The current essay does not provide a structured response to the given topic.
coherence cohesion
The essay should include supported main points with relevant examples or explanations to address the topic. The provided text does not include examples or explanations pertinent to the topic of young people moving to cities.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: