IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Rich countries often give money to poorer countries, but it does not solve poverty. Therefore, developed countries should give other types of help to poor countries rather than financial aid. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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It is undeniable that monetary assistance from rich societies has not brought benefits to undeveloped
countries
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 in terms of coping with poverty to some extent. I concur with the statement that wealthy governments should take various kinds of
support
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 which could be more effective and radical when assisting poor nations. On the one hand, there are several compelling reasons why financial aid fails to assist undeveloped
countries
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 in improving their citizen’s quality of life. First and foremost, money
support
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 is only perceived as a temporary solution so it is hard for them to address thoroughly difficult issues that the poorer
countries
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 are facing.
For example
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, donating a great deal of money could not help people living in impoverished regions all over the world overcome starvation in the long term. Another reason is that monetary
support
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 could make poor
countries
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 become over-reliant on
the
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apply
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wealthy nations.
As a result
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, these
countries
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 could not create new and effective strategies which could enhance their socio-economic status in the future.
On the other hand
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, there are more beneficial methods to aid poor
countries
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 rather than financial assistance.
Firstly
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, experts from various fields,
such
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 as the economy, education and environment of the rich
countries
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 could be sent to the deprived areas in order to provide deep training courses for residents there.
This
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 could lead to the improvement of agricultural techniques or the development of the educational system, all of which could have a great contribution to the higher living standards of citizens. Another effective method is that the developed nations could give
support
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 by signing commercial contracts with
the
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undeveloped
countries
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 in different sectors.
This
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 would make sure that the impoverished regions could have more opportunities to develop and compete in the international market, creating more jobs with decent and stable income for all citizens,
thus
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 reducing the poverty rate in these areas in the long run. In conclusion, all things considered, I strongly believe that to help poor
countries
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 overcome poverty in the long term, rich
countries
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 could apply various measures like technical assistance or creating opportunities for economic development
instead
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 of only assisting financial
support
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.

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coherence cohesion
While you present a logical line of reasoning throughout the essay ensured by appropriate paragraphing and cohesive devices, try to incorporate a variety of linking words and phrases to achieve a seamless flow.
coherence cohesion
Effective introduction and conclusion paragraphs are included and they present clear thesis statements and summaries of your viewpoint. However, consider using a slightly broader range of vocabulary to avoid repetition and to enhance sophistication.
coherence cohesion
You have developed and supported main points to an extent, but there could be a richer inclusion of specific examples and data to bolster your arguments further. This would greatly elevate the essay.
task achievement
You have provided a full response to the question posed, clearly showcasing your position throughout the essay. Excellent job on framing your arguments with a relevant and well-deliberated structure.
task achievement
The ideas you have presented are clear and comprehensive, demonstrating an understanding of the topic's complexity. Aim to provide a well-balanced discussion by exploring more diverse aspects of other types of assistance in detail to enrich your response.
task achievement
While you provide relevant examples, strive to include more precise and illustrative examples to reinforce your points. The use of real-world scenarios or case studies would make your arguments more convincing and rooted in practicality.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • poverty alleviation
  • economic inequality
  • developing nations
  • foreign aid
  • sustainable growth
  • technical assistance
  • expertise
  • infrastructure
  • education
  • fair trade
  • trade barriers
  • sustainable development
  • environmental conservation
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