IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

In many countries around the world, rural people are moving to cities, so the population in the countryside is decreasing. Positive or negative development.

#countries #world #people #cities #population #countryside #development
The accelerating trend of rural people moving to cities, precipitating a decreasing population in the countryside, has captivated global attention.
This
 essay contends that
this
 urban migration is overwhelmingly detrimental for both individuals and nations at large. I will dissect its disadvantageous impact on economic
also
 environmental situations in urban and rural areas. First and foremost, the migration from rural to urban settings can change
shape
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the shape
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 of
distribution
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the distribution
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 of
population
Correct article usage
the population
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 in both zones.
Consequently
, could have seen
Correct article usage
a reduction
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reduction
Correct article usage
a reduction
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 in local denizens in spite of urban denizens. Afterwards,
this
 phenomenon requires more housing contraction, health
cares
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care
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, equipped hospitals
also
 insurance services in
the
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a
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 short time which
force
Correct subject-verb agreement
forces
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 society to face these issues.
Then
, can cause small and big chaos.
In other words
, in Tehran,
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the government
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government
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the government
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 contracted enormous apartments
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in which
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which
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in which
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 there was
not
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no
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 water and electricity enough for houses
hence
, various protests manifested in the
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long term
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long-term
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long term
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. Establishing a skyscraper in
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a short
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short
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a short
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 time frame incurred a huge demolition with the worst human casualties. On the economical side, the quantity and quality of
export
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exports
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 and
import
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imports
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 have undergone
on
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apply
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the
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apply
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transformations
due to
 the fact that raw materials, agriculture products
besides
 specialized harvest have lessened in
supply
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the supply
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 and demand cycle. Over time citizens who were living in
countryside
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the countryside
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getting
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got
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 older and disabled for cultivating
also
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apply
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livestock, in
this
 way, production
decreases
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decreased
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 and imports
increase
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increased
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as a result
, inflation
expands
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expanded
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besides
 governments and citizens
face
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faced
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to
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apply
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financial problems.
For instance
, in Rasht which is one of the significant centers of rice production in Iran,
currently
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currently,
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 the number of unused lands has risen.
However
, the import of rice has climbed which they are substandard. In conclusion, the
rural- to- urban
Correct your spelling
rural-to-urban
show examples
 migration trend serves as a huge disadvantage for society which includes the greater responsibility of the government
besides
 the cooperation of the dwellers.
Submitted by hodashayani on

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task response
Your essay introduction presents the topic but could define the argument more clearly. Specify whether you consider the trend positive or negative before exploring the reasons and consequences.
task response
Your essay lacks clear topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph. Each paragraph should start with a clear point followed by supporting information and examples.
task response
The conclusion summarizes the points but could be stronger by reiterating your position and summarizing the key arguments made in the body of the essay.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay shows an effort to use connecting words, but sometimes these connections are unclear or forced. Work on using a variety of conjunctions and cohesive devices effectively.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure each paragraph has a clear central theme, and all sentences support this central theme.
coherence and cohesion
Paragraphs could be more effectively organized; ideas sometimes appear disconnected and lack a logical progression.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • rural-to-urban migration
  • population shift
  • positive impact
  • negative impact
  • urbanization
  • job opportunities
  • access to education
  • access to healthcare
  • urban infrastructure
  • rural traditions
  • cultural heritage
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