IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

Some people say that advertising is extremely successful at persuading us to buy things.

#people
Many opine that advertising is extremely successful at persuading
people
 to buy things, and
others
 deny
this
 because
that
Correct determiner usage
apply
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advertising is so common that
people
 no longer pay attention to it. In
the
Correct determiner usage
this
show examples
 case, I think that the important
things
Fix the agreement mistake
thing
show examples
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
effective advertising
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
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 the content
of
Change preposition
apply
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what
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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to attract
the
Correct article usage
apply
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customers.
People
 admit to effective advertising because the quality of content is
being in
Verb problem
at
show examples
 a higher level.
In other words
, Diversify advertising will
reaching
Change the verb form
reach
be reaching
show examples
 a wide audience and can help to increase sales. Advertising can share the brand's message
to
Change preposition
with
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 a larger number of
people
 by using different advertising techniques and mediums. Consider creating several different
advertisements
 for various target audiences through different channels
such
 as television or digital media.
However
,
others
 disagree with
this
 success because
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 range of ideas used for
advertisements
 is more and more similar. Obviously,
people
 will not pay attention to what an advertisement is showing if there is no difference
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the content compared to
others
. In my opinion,
the
Correct article usage
apply
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advertising is still powerful in persuading
people
. They are not only normal
advertisements
 which
advertises
Change the verb form
advertise
show examples
 products, but
also
 tools to convey a source of inspiration and meaningful stories to watchers.
For instance
, some advertisers call for
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 protection
on
Change preposition
of
show examples
 our environment
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 their
advertisements
, as a way to persuade the public
buying
Change the verb form
to buy
show examples
 the products. In conclusion,
while
 some
people
disclam
Correct your spelling
disclaim
an
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 influence of advertising
due to
 its repetition,
others
 and I believe that
an
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 advertising industry is in
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 successful period through its attraction.
Submitted by akhwariwahyupam on

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Introduction & Conclusion Presence
Ensure your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion. The introduction should clearly state your position on the topic, and the conclusion should succinctly summarize your main points and restate your opinion.
Relevant & Specific Examples
Your main points need to be expanded with more specific examples and evidence. You should aim to illustrate your arguments with clear examples that support your position on the effectiveness of advertising.
Logical Structure
Work on linking your ideas more coherently. Use a wider range of cohesive devices to connect your ideas and paragraphs together. Logical sequencing of ideas will make your essay easier to follow and understand.
Complete Response
Though your response addresses the prompt generally, it can be further developed to form a more complete argument. You should aim to fully address all parts of the question, elaborating on how advertising persuades people and possibly acknowledging the impact of over-saturation of ads on their effectiveness.
Clear & Comprehensive Ideas
Try to articulate your ideas more clearly and comprehensively. Clarify the reasoning behind each point you make to ensure that your argument is not only clear to the reader, but also thoroughly explained and explored.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • transnational problems
  • climate change
  • ozone layer depletion
  • pollution
  • collaborative efforts
  • pooling of resources
  • expertise
  • technology
  • innovative solutions
  • international standards
  • race to the bottom
  • environmental standards
  • capacity
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  • independently
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  • international consensus
  • legal
  • political systems
  • enforcement
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