“In many societies in the world, the population is aging rapidly and this is leading to an unsustainable increase in the cost of public healthcare. A nation’s population should pay for their healthcare provision in the future. To what extent do you agree or disagree?”

since the start of the world, all of us have
withness
Correct your spelling
witness
show examples
a
Change the article
an
show examples
enourmous
Correct your spelling
enormous
growth in population, and because of that a lot of places in the world are suffering from the increased cost of their
puplic
Correct your spelling
public
healthcare
. Because of that the general
puplic
Correct your spelling
public
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
supporting their
government
by participating in paying for it. I agree with
this
to a high extent first things first. As we all know
puplic
Correct your spelling
public
healthcare
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
show examples
a great impact
to
Change preposition
on
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society. simply because
this
have
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has
show examples
become a standard in
peoples
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people's
show examples
life, without it we might
suffered
Change the verb form
suffer
show examples
from many different
type
Change to a plural noun
types
show examples
of pain and Illness, both physically and mentally.
for
instance
Add a comma
instance,
show examples
theres
Correct your spelling
there
is a ton of people who lacks personal
healthcare
which lead to many
problem
to
Change preposition
in
show examples
their life like having an illness but not treating it properly or in time or in general not really
care
Wrong verb form
caring
show examples
about it. because of that, to live a good and healthy life the community
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
show examples
to pay attention to their
healthcare
problem
additionally
. for all
this
time we have put the
government
in a position to tackle
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
important
manners
Correct your spelling
matters
show examples
. But now
its
Replace the word
it's
it is
show examples
our turn to provide them with
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
support on
this
impactful
problem
. By
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
way of example we can see from all the previous
disaster
Fix the agreement mistake
disasters
show examples
regarding the
healthcare
problem
such
as the flu pandemic,
or
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
the global epidemic of
hiv
Correct your spelling
HIV
/aids or the most recent one the covid-19 have
damage
Wrong verb form
damaged
show examples
both the
economics
Replace the word
economy
show examples
and the population of the community
it self
Correct your spelling
itself
show examples
. because of that each one of us
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
to take
parts
Fix the agreement mistake
part
show examples
in helping the
government
by taking action on our own
healthcare
To conclude
this
essay. I highly agree with
this
statement because not just the
government
are responsible for
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society
Change noun form
society's
show examples
healthcare
but
us
Correct pronoun usage
we
show examples
, the
puplic
Correct your spelling
people
also
have to pay attention to it and take care of it
ourself
Correct pronoun usage
ourselves
show examples
.
Submitted by pomgng0 on

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coherence cohesion
Develop your essay structurally with clear paragraphs, each ideally containing a single main idea supported by specific examples. Avoid clusters of information without clear order.
coherence cohesion
Include an introduction that paraphrases the question and sets out your position clearly, followed by body paragraphs that expand on your main points, and a conclusion that summarises your argument and reiterates your opinion.
task achievement
Ensure that examples are specific and directly relevant to the points you are making. Abstract examples detract from the strength of your argument and lower your score in this area.
task achievement
Use a range of sentence structures to convey your ideas effectively. Avoid repetitive and simplistic structures as this can impact the clarity and comprehensiveness of your essay.
task achievement
Your response must address all parts of the prompt. Be consistent throughout your essay in developing your position in relation to the prompt to avoid being penalised for incomplete response.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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